Baby Jonah

Beware: a very long story follows.

Due to HIPPA, no one is allowed to share medical information together with a patient's name. So the following story is true but the sweet baby has an alias. This story is one I have been thinking about for the last month and one with which I am just now coming to terms.

I had been at Children's Hospital a little over two weeks when I showed up to work one Wednesday morning and was greeting by our sweet, smiling upper-level resident, Kim. I'd had two asthma patients the day before who had both been discharged, and so was coming in with nobody on my plate. Immediately upon entering the residents' office, Kim informed me that she had a baby for me to follow. He would be the only patient I saw that day, as his case was complicated. His brief history is as follows:

Jonah was born seven days previous to his admission to the PICU. When he was four days old, his mother took him to the doctor, because she was concerned about constipation. The doctor noticed that Jonah had a low oxygen level on room air. He admitted him to the hospital in Lawton where he was started on some antibiotics.

That afternoon, Jonah's mom noticed his eyes crossing, lips puckering, and legs stiffening while his oxygen levels continued to fall. That evening, he had an episode that the mother recognized as a seizure. One and a half hours later, he had a second seizure lasting approx 3 minutes. Medflight was called to transport the baby to our hospital in OKC. Upon arrival, the paramedics found that his heart was not beating. They proceeded to intubate him and gave him chest compressions. He had another seizure en route to the hospital.

Then Kim paused and she said, "This is the part of the story that is so sad."

Kim was the resident on call the night Jonah came. Upon arrival at the PICU, Kim examined him, wrote an admission note, and was about to leave the room when Jonah's mom mentioned to Kim that she had painful, vesicular lesions on her right breast. Kim examined the lesions and realized that they were a primary outbreak of herpes.

There are only a few reasons that a person should not give birth vaginally. One of them is if the mother has a vaginal infection, because as the baby goes through the birth canal, it will mostly likely contract the infection. If it is a bacterial infection, like gonorrhea or chlamydia, it can be treated. However, if it is a viral infection, there is very little that can be done. Tiny infants also have virtually no immunologic defense against infection, and therefore, when they contract viral infections, it is very easy for the infection to get into their blood and spread to all their organs (called sepsis). It is very serious and frequently ends in death.

So that is how it came to be that Jonah contracted herpes from his mother. The mother had no idea.

Kim immediately got cultures of eye, skin, nose, trach aspirate, blood, urine, and rectum. And also of the mother's lesions. We already had a pretty strong suspicion that Jonah had sepsis due to disseminated herpes; when the cultures came back a few days later, the suspicion was confirmed. Everything was positive.

I went in to see Jonah that first day and he didn't look too bad. He weighed almost seven pounds and had little tufts of blonde hair. He did have some bruising from where they'd put IVs and lines in him- mostly around his umbilicus and thighs. With a blanket on, you could almost think he looked normal. (Apart from the tube going down his throat.)

However, when I got to his chart... wow. This baby was complex. Most of my other patients had their vitals and other stats monitored every hour. Jonah had everything normal plus more monitored every fifteen minutes. His chart was blackened with tiny little numbers. This was going to be complicated.

He also had every lab known to man done every four hours. The main things that concerned us were his kidneys and his liver. Here is why:

If your liver stops producing certain proteins your body needs to make blood clots, you bleed easily. When you have a lot of IVs and lines, you need the your blood to clot quickly. If it doesn't, you receive a LOT of blood products. Cells, plasma, and all these clotting proteins. Your medicines can also only be concentrated so much. In other words, you get a LOT of fluid going IN.

If your kidneys stop making urine, its very hard to get rid of the fluid that you take in and that your body naturally makes. What do we do for people who have kidney failure? We give them dialysis. Dialysis, however, requires a big hole. And its pretty easy to bleed a lot out of big holes, so if you are going to have kidney failure, you need your liver in good working condition, making all the clotting proteins it is supposed to make.

So, either your liver or your kidneys can fail, but it is really bad news if both stop working. So basically, my job every day was to do all the math on Jonah's intake (all the fluids, medicines, etc going in) and his output (urine, blood, vomit, etc), as well as looking at all the labs every four hours and all the medicines he was on and figure out if his liver and kidneys were going to start working.

So initially, we knew he was in liver and kidney failure. He wasn't producing any liver proteins, and so we had to continually replace all of them, so that he wouldn't bleed out of his lines. However, this meant that that in the first 24 hours of his hospital admission, he was given almost a liter and a half of fluid. That was equal to half of his dry weight. However, his urine output was practically zero (hence the kidney failure). So, lots of fluid going in, nothing coming out: Jonah began getting puffier.

So although his liver was shot, we knew the one chance he had to live was if his kidneys began working again. Throughout his 9 day stay in the ICU, each day I went into work wondering whether the Jonah had peed at all overnight. If so, he was going to have a chance to get rid of all the fluid we were pumping into him, and have a chance to survive.

However, every day, when I got to Room 8236, the chart that awaited me had bad news. Each day, the first thing I raced to was the urine output column: 40 milliliters in 24 hours. Ouch. His daily input was hanging around 900 to 1,500 milliliters- he was gaining around a liter of fluid a day.

By the end of nine days, he was bigger than an overweight 9 month old.

The thing that killed me was that none of the doctors ever really told his parents how bad it was. One day, they were taking a much-needed break down in the lobby and saw me leaving. His dad pulled me aside and asked hopefully how he was doing. That particular day, he had been bleeding immensely out of his umbilical line and we almost could not stop the bleeding. I had no idea what to say. Shouldn't the doctors have let them know how close to the edge he was?

Each day, Jonah looked worse and worse. My second to last day of the rotation, one of the attendings told me that Jonah had the worst case of edema he had ever seen. Jonah's whole-body edema was so bad that he even had chemosis, a condition in which the water accumulates under the whites of your eyes and makes you look really freaky. Not that his eyes were open; his swollen lids spared his parents from seeing it.

The last day of my rotation, I showed up almost 30 minutes late due to the OU parking office accidentally shorting me one day of my permit, hence leaving me without a parking spot and scrambling to find one on our cramped campus. After I walked into the resident room, I grabbed an exam sheet and headed over to 8236. He had looked so ghastly and awful the night before. Did he pee??

As I approached the room, I saw a huge crowd of crying family members gathered around the doorway. I turned around, threw the sheet into the trash and walked back.

Over night, the attending had informed Jonah's parents that after 8 days of liver and kidney failure, the chances that he would recover were basically zero. Although he was on a lot of pain medication, he was probably still suffering. That kind of edema would be incredibly painful. And so, they took him off all his drips and the ventilator early that morning. He lasted on his own for almost five hours before my arrival. After I'd seen the family crying, I sat down in the resident room for a moment to think. Jonah died less than five minutes later.

I went in to hug his parents. After coming in to see him every morning of his stay, I had a lot of internal emotions toward the parents and had prayed for them a lot. They looked awful and were sobbing. Although Jonah was so swollen, I grabbed his little hand. You could still see the softness of his little tufts of golden hair. Oh...

And so my very last duty on that rotation was his death summary. And so, this is why I can never work in a children's ICU and also... why I continue to eagerly anticipate the day when there is no more suffering.

A New Year, 2009!

Isn't a new year such a refreshing feeling? I have written 2008 at least a couple of times already. Stopped and realized.... it is 2009 now! Ahh... mostly, its a chance to start again. And who doesn't love that?

2008 was full of kindness and good things, but it was all mixed with a lot of sadness. I can't say I am sad that this year is over. I am so excited for the new!

I did some research on New Year's resolutions on the internet and I am now planning to stop smoking and lose 50 pounds. Anyone else with some New Year's Resolutions?

Cast It Into the Fire: Part II

Ever since our cardiology test finished last fall, there is a phrase I use to refer to times of incredible stress which are quickly followed by periods of immense relief. These are Cast It Into the Fire moments. In my mind I always see Frodo laying down, panting on the rock when its all over.

This year's award goes to: the Children's ICU rotation and its ensuing termination. P. T. L. this month is freaking over. Now if only I could mindlessly stagger over to some deserted alley and collapse in an irresponsible heap for the next month...

26 Will Be More Fun Than 25

Thanks everyone for being so sweet on my birthday!

I haven't even sat down to think about goals for the next year, because there's one Very Big Goal I have been working on for the last year and a half. Its only just now we are reaching the cusp of the calendar year this goal is to be accomplished: 2009. (Cue sound of me panting like a dog...) Oh, the pure ecstasy!

In other news: sometimes, even when I am incredibly tired or should be studying or doing any number of other things that would be wiser investments of time, I spend an hour or two reading the blogs of random strangers. It is truly one of my favorite pastimes and definitely the main reason I am grateful that Al Gore created the internet. So the other day I was reading one of the most hilarious blogs *ever* and... I realized that part of the simple allure of this girl's writing was that she didn't take herself too seriously and was able to accept her own flaws gracefully.

As a true Type A who has only become more rigid with the passage of time... I confess I am envious of this girl. To be able to accept my faults effortlessly and with grace and humor; ay ay ay. Help me Lord! I suppose that is a big enough goal for 26.

She Got a Hippopotamus for Christmas

My mom used to tell me the craziest things. My sister and I thought she made them up to entertain us. As an adult, I've found out she was usually right. She told me the following story awhile ago and I always wondered about it; turns out Wikipedia confirms her love for the strange-but-true once again.

"I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas is a Christmas novelty song written by John Rox and performed by Gayla Peevey (10 years old at the time) in 1953.

Peevey was a regional child star of the Oklahoma City area. According to legend, this 1953 hit was recorded as a fund-raiser to bring the city zoo a hippo. When released nationally by Columbia Records the song shot to the top of the charts, and the city zoo got a baby hippo named Matilda. In a 2007 radio interview with Detroit-based WNIC radio station, Peevey clarified that the song was not recorded as a fundraiser originally. Instead, a local promoter picked up on the popularity of the song and Peevey's local roots, and launched a campaign to present her with an actual hippopotamus on Christmas. The campaign succeeded, and she was presented with an actual hippopotamus, which she donated to the city zoo. The hippopotamus lived for nearly 50 years."

If you saw the hippos at the OKC zoo before 2002, you too saw Mathilda, the hippo Peevey sang about and got for Christmas. Sorry for not believing you Mom...

In His Name All Oppression Shall Cease

The hospital was pretty dang depressing last week. Its just depressing when you only have two patients- and then one goes brain dead and the other you take off the respirator. The world's deepest grief should be reserved for these parents.

But there is another part of it that is actually relieving; when these little chillins are relieved of their suffering. We pretty much see them in the worst physical state on earth. Sedated, intubated, and everything in the world going wrong with their little bodies. Its enough to make you realize how compassionate taking them off a ventilator truly is.

The moment comes when they take the tube out, and then what you see with your physical eyes is a tiny girl, turned a little blue, chest silent, heart no longer beating. The whole family is crying around a dark hospital bed, and she is gone. But if you close your eyes...

She is in a green field and a cotton dress, barefoot, running toward a man ready to scoop her up in his arms. The ribbons in her hair are streaming in the wind and there is a gigantic smile on her shining face, all creamy and pink-cheeked.

You are the one left standing in the dark hospital room, and she is freed.

"The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil." - Isaiah 57:1

Pimping: Crash & Burn

Um... I have a lot of questions. Unfortunately, on my current rotation, I am not even capable of forming the sentences to ask the questions that are in my head. This would be okay except for the fact that the attending (doctor) invariably asks me these very things.

Here are some examples of questions to which I am supposed to know the answers and the types of things that come to mind when asked.

Doctor: "So his residuals are increasing. I want you to refeed the residuals back through his NG tube and then we're D/C-ing the trophic feeds and the sodium benzoate. Why not continue his feeds?"

Me: "... ... ... " (blank stare + absolutely nothing)

Doctor: "ABGs are 7.43 / 20 / 100 / 24 / -2 / 70 and the vent's set on 55 / 25 / 60. We're going to decrease the respirations as well as the tidal volume. What is the most common cause of VALI?"

Me: "Your mother. I am out of this lame unit."

Doctor: "This baby is 3 days S/P failed R heart cath for HTCM. During dye injection he coded with v fib, desat-ing down to 30. (Insert four more sentences of confusing information here.) He's now on diltiazem, propranolol, fentanyl and prn tylenol. What do you want to do with him?"

Me: "Sounds like a hard day. Does he like ice cream?"

Thanks for the Painless Times

There's one really great thing about being around sick people all day, and that is The Moment. I have begun cherishing this hundred and twenty seconds more and more as my first rotation wears on. Its something I have experienced many times in life but I didn't start truly soaking it in until a few weeks ago...

I have to wait for It the entire day. Which is good, because I really have something to look forward to. I wake up around 5:30, cuddle with my sweet kitten, and begin getting ready. After some Ensure, a run and a shower, its onto work. Eight to twelve hours pass in which all kinds of sick people come in and need help, and very often are in some kind of physical pain or mental anguish. Work gets over, and the evening passes with its various activities. I sweet-cuddle the kitten again, brush my teeth, and get back into bed.

The lights are off, my eyes close, and It arrives. The moment in which I lie in the darkness, and relish being 100% pain free. My physical body wallows in utter comfort and contentment, and my mind lays down to rest. Its taken a couple hundred sick people in pain for the last three weeks to remind me of how precious and rare this moment is. Who knows how long it will last? A minor neck injury in a wreck or a friend's death tomorrow could mean tonight will be my last pain-free Moment for a long time. But every night (for now at least) that precious moment is cherished until It, and I, slip away into peace-filled sleep.

The Past, Present and Future

The past: Finishing school was really hard, and really wonderful. Every time I remember that I never have to go to class ever again, a seriously warm and wonderfully fuzzy feeling washes over me and bathes my soul in pure contentment.

The present: Rotations are going really well, and Obama was elected to the presidency. I could not be more ecstatic that God chose to raise him up for this time, knowing also He will depose Obama in His time. Its all up to him. (For anyone interested in reading Obama's stance on faith and politics, jump on over here.)

The future: Well, I've been thinking a lot about the future. My preceptor for this first rotation is pretty dang amazing, a wonderful doc to work with, and he has already offered me a job more than once. Also, some good friends of mine are moving to Colorado Springs, and- having just taken a super fun trip up to the city in the shadow of Pike's Peak- I am thinking about going up there, too. They are opening up a couple new hospitals, which would probably have something open.

Or, there are lots and lots of Afghan refugees in San Francisco and a lot of HIV clinics. One of my favorite things is infectious disease so that is also an option. And, my sis only lives 7 hours from there.

I've also been thinking about going back overseas. Thinking about it a lot. I am considering applying with the Department of Defense to go work with them in a hospital in Germany that treats wounded soldiers on emergency flights coming from Iraq and Afghanistan.

I'm sure there are many more opportunities that may arise. I just like to dream about the future. If you could choose, what would you do and why?

The Political Game Rages On!

Is McCain is so misogynistic that he honestly believes HRC’s base will vote for him on account of a VP who has nothing in common with Hillary but her anatomy?!

Okay, so maybe underestimating female political intelligence doesn't equate you with being a woman-hater. But it does make my blood boil. I truly hope he chose Sarah Palin for a better reason but it seems he is just sexist enough to think this will do the trick and American women will come flocking to his side. Oh, my... I hope that I am not overestimating the women in our country. I hope they truly think this thing through.

Perhaps now she knows what its like to be a token, and some old GOP guys know what its like to be passed over for someone with less experience.

Or did he pick her based on eighteen months of reforming corrupt Alaskan politics? Are we underestimating Palin? I hope so, for goodness sakes. But I'm wondering if she even has a passport- on top of the fact that she recently asked on CNBC, "What exactly is it the vice president does?"

Hmm... Not like Joe Biden's ties to credit card companies are a whole lot better. Politics, ay ay ay!

Oh, and maybe I know what I want to do with my life.

We have now been through every section of clinical medicine except psychiatry, which we just started and I honestly cannot imagine wanting to do. So, my first thoughts on what field to work in are... Emergency Medicine! We'll wait and see how the trauma rotation goes though. I might not be able to take it without being tortured at night or something. But that's the one I like the most so far.

Its the End of the Summer

Those are the lyrics to a great punk rock song I used to love in high school. And every year when early August rolls around, it gets stuck in my head for a few days. This year, I have never been more excited to see the end of the summer come!! We just finished summer finals. Now we only have a really light load (three easy classes with no tests) for the next couple weeks, until August 21st when our fall semester starts.

Then we'll study a few more weeks, take a few more tests, and the didactic year will be OVER!! I am really glad because- well, one of the reasons I never write on here is that exciting things have been few and far between. Hopefully, the uneventful, predictable and reclusive part of life will be over when we start working in the hospitals and clinics, and more interesting things to write about will start happening. ("The new phone book is out! The new phone book is out! Things are going to start happening to me now...")

Here's to the nearing of the end of one of the most difficult 17 months ever.
57 out of 68 weeks finished.
84% complete. 16% left to go. Bring it on! And let us be rid of it!

Rotation Schedule

So, we received our rotation schedules early... and I am BLESSED!!! Not only am I not leaving OKC much at all- but I also was given every rotation I requested (and more). Here is my life until November 2009...

November 08: Primary Care Edmond
December 08: OU Children's PICU/CCU
January 09: Mental Health VA
Feb/March 09: OU Trauma Center
April 09: Obgyn Poteau, OK
May/June 09: Primary Care Marlow, OK
July 09: General Surgery Shawnee
August 09: Radiology Mercy Hosp
September 09: Infectious Dz OU HIV/AIDS Clinic
October 09: Cardiology Baptist Hosp

So here's the word on the street about the ones that have been mentioned to me. At OU Children's Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) and Cardiac Care Unit (CCU), we are taught to put in chest tubes (thoracostomies) and intubate babies (and much more). OU Trauma is not an Emergency Room- so even though its my Emergency Medicine rotation, its the only Level I Trauma Center in the area, so it sees all the worst trauma (bad MVA's, penetrating trauma, blunt trauma) in the state. Obgyn in Poteau was the first rotation I requested, because I heard we are taught to deliver babies ourselves! Yay! General surgery in Shawnee will basically teach me to first assist, meaning I get to help sew 'em up... and the most prized rotation of all, the AIDS clinic, will be the most eclectic; from fungal horns that make people look like unicorns to TB to cancer, weakened immune systems do crazy things to people.

And, I had to look Marlow up on a map. But I'm sure it can't be that bad... here's to an awesome year. Yahoo!

Something Found Everywhere

Travel is probably the second most freeing thing on earth, if you ask me. And if you're asking, the first is a place that cannot be found on any map... or perhaps is found on every map.

Thank God that worship comes from within and can be practiced in any setting and every geographical location. I have found that the Lord is the same, and the experience of Him comfortingly consistent, everywhere I've ever gone. In the words of Emily Dickinson (whose personal meaning was probably different; but isn't the hallmark of great writing that any individual can find their own experience in the words of the writer?):

Have you got a Brook in your little heart,
Where bashful flowers blow,
And blushing birds go down to drink,
And shadows tremble so—

And nobody knows, so still it flows,
That any brook is there,
And yet your little draught of life
Is daily drunken there-

Oh, Canada! And Oregon and California and Everything Else Completely Wonderful: A Summary.

I am in love. With vacation.

On Friday, June 13th, I passed our last two finals of the semester and became the coveted... PAS2!!! No longer will I be a lowly PAS1. No, we are second-years now.

On Saturday, I flew up to Portland and Tash and Ben picked me up from the airport. Sunday, we drove out to the Oregon coast and went to Cape Perpetua and Yachats. Beautiful, beautiful!! We even got to go to tide pools at low tide and touch the green sea anemones.

Canada! On June 16th I took the Greyhound bus from Eugene up to Vancouver (which was an experience belonging to a blog post all its own) and stayed for two and a half days before coming back. And, those were two of the most wonderful days in recent memory. Canada is AWESOME! From the Capilano Suspension Bridge over the raging river on the North Shore; to taking the ferry from Horseshoe Bay across to Nanaimo and kayaking around purple starfish-covered rock islands with an Australian girl; to staying at a hostel nestled on one of the most beautiful beaches in Vancouver, I was stunned and amazed by the beauty of BC. So THAT'S why they call it Beautiful British Columbia! I also got a taste of Washington on the drive up and now have big plans to some day go back and visit the giant Mount Rainer.

On Saturday after getting back to Oregon, Tasha and I left and embarked on a mini-adventure that included stopping at snowy Crater Lake (breath-taking!) on the way to the Oregon Caves National Monument and an overnight stay at a cozy little lodge nearby. Then we headed down to California and camped for two nights in the forests of Sequoia sempervirens, the coastal redwoods that are the tallest trees in the world. I'd wanted to see these trees for a long time and it was so satisfying to spend hours staring up at them. Our campsite had a giant felled moss-covered redwood at its entrance that was gorgeous, greeting us each night when we returned to camp. It was also fun to be so close to the ocean during that trip.

Now we're back in Eugene and planning some wild river kayaking for this weekend, perhaps in Bend, near the Three Sisters. Waaaa hooooooooo!

Pain and Joy

The last month or so has been pretty intense. There's a lot that could be written- but, our semester ended, and we now have only couple classes at a time until June 13th, when we will get out of school and be free for 17 days!! I am going to take the entire break and visit my sister in Oregon. Upon the schedule of things to do are: camp in the giant redwood forest in northern California, wild river kayak, drive 101 up into Washington, go to Canada, and Crater Lake, and much more. I am ecstatic!

And, Summer had her baby. When they wheeled her out of the operating room, and right next to us, the nurse held him up through the nursery window. When she saw him, dangling there all red-faced and tiny, tears just began streaming down her face. It was such a priceless moment. I felt blessed to have been able to witness unadulterated love pouring out of my best friend's heart.

Driving home from the hospital, tears also started streaming down my face. I've been thinking so much on Cyd since I came home from Fort Worth, having heard more about everything that happened to her. Such a sadness comes to me sometimes when I think of her. But then, when I picture Summer and tiny Colton, all there is- is joy. The sorrow and joy meet in the middle and mingle, neither one willing to leave. And its the paradox of life how they coexist there without ruining one another.

Some Things Remain Mysteries

There are some mysteries I have been thinking a heck of a lot about recently. Some are serious, some are not so serious, and apart from #1, they are in no particular order; but here are my Top Ten Unsolved Mysteries.

10.) If they have fireflies in Nepal.
9.) How on earth I am going to convince the director of my program to let me go to Africa for a rotation.
8.) How God can remember everything in the world. How he knows things like the vectors of every single leaf blowing across the lawn or their weight in grams; or the number of blades of grass they touch along the way.
7.) Why there can't be a grocery store closer to Bricktown.
6.) Why something as horrible and atrocious as the Holocaust doesn't make the beauty of Itzak Perlman playing the theme from Schindler's List any less beautiful.
5.) How an atomic bomb works. I guess this could be googled. But I like to just wonder about it sometimes.
4.) One day, at seventeen years of age, I walked outside to feed my rabbit after being gone for the weekend, and when I got to her cage, everything was locked up as usual. But, there was a mysterious ball of matted fur in front of her feeder, and she was gone. There were no organs, bones, flesh, nothing... just fur. And a locked cage.
3.) As it says in Proverbs, "The way of a man with a maiden."
2.) How something as dark red as blood can make someone white as snow.
1.) What and why on earth this really happened to Cydney.

Some of these, for sure, are going to remain unsolved. And I suppose that's life.

Living the Dream

Sometimes, I realize how blessed I am. I am living the dream I had for my life, and overall... is that uncommon? Common? I don't know. I just feel blessed.

"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him..."

Utter Insanity and the Skills Lab

The last week or so was complete and utter insanity. Pathophys test, epidemiology statistics test, radiology test, test, test test! But its all over now. Until our pharmacy test Monday.

So today our PA group took its first turn going to the Skills Lab. The Skills Lab is a simulation that the med school does for us to practice on patients without hurting anyone. The patients are paid actors who pretend to be sick! If you think that is awesome, as I did, even more awesome is the knowledge that a tiny little camera in the corner of the patient room is filming your every move, and your professors are watching you... and grading you. Yeah, it was awesome. I think only six out of the nine people in our group hyperventilated and threw up before going in.

No, not really. One girl cried and that was it. Believe it or not, there's something reeeaaally distracting about knowing that every word coming out of your mouth is being videotaped; not to mention that its hard enough to remember everything you are supposed to ask and do when there is no pressure on you to get it right. When you can just walk out of the room, get the PA, and have them figure it out. Yeah... here is the list of what we are supposed to remember and do in- get this- FIFTEEN MINUTES. (Well, we do pertinent review of systems and physical exam, not complete; but its still a LOT!)

Now I know why my PCP is always running late.

Ridiculous Belief and a Shining Heart

Many people are wondering why Cyd ever went to Afghanistan in the first place. They cannot understand why a person would do something they consider so dangerous, if not completely reckless. And now, because of her death, they judge it a shame that she ever went.

But I know that Cyd would much rather have spent her life, even if she'd known she were going to die, in a place like Afghanistan than somewhere easy and comfortable, only for the sake of its beauty. At times her life was extremely physically uncomfortable; but in return, she had the complete and indescribable peace of giving her life up for someone besides herself.

Its sad to me how much people can misjudge the strength and depth of a person such as herself. The service she gave to the Afghan people was, in her mind, more beautiful and valuable than any pain-free life that she could have enjoyed here in the States. Cyd experienced the 'better-ness' of giving herself up for others, rather than the emptiness that comes when we do things only for ourselves. She found this truth in the midst of obedience to Christ. There is a sweetness there that cannot be found anywhere else in the world, that none of the people who condemn her going can ever understand. Many of them are trying to find peace in other things, and failing. What a shame, that they will probably never know they might have found it in a place like Kandahar.

I have thought so much on all this, but the one thought that occurs to me every single day is this: Cyd's beautiful heart shines out to me from her death, and makes me want to be a better person. Her death spurs me on to continue learning to die to my selfish self, and give my life away to others, serving them in justice and mercy.

Lofty ideals are only lofty when we don't pull them down to earth and put them into practice. I know that I will be a better person because of her; I already am. May her life and sacrifice also inspire you to understand the better-ness, and the ridiculousness, of giving yourself away.

Aragorn Is My Middle Name

So, some of us went camping in the Wichita mountains this weekend. Some... 47 of us. It was so fun!! Here is a quick synopsis:

-We camped by a lake, across from a mountain and watched the sun and moon set and rise over it. One word: gorgeous.
-We cooked lots of food, most of it on a gigantic six foot grill that looked really impressive on fire, covered in a hundred pieces of chicken that were being simultaneously basted and turned by nine different people.
-We ran across Mount Elk like we were in the Lord of the Rings. "Come Gimli... we're gaining on them!" This was the most exhilarating run I've done.
-We had two awesome services, for Good Friday and Easter. 30 international students heard about their meaning for the first time! Pretty amazing.
-As we hiked, I jumped across two monoliths and didn't quite reach my friend's hand that was stretched out to help me across. As I was falling backward about to drop down into the crevice, he reached further and grabbed my hand. Here's to being alive, and not paralyzed!
-It was so freezing cold and windy the second night that EB got up while it was still dark and huddled in a port-a-potty until morning.
-We had everything from Nepali folk songs and Korean pop to "Ice, Ice, Baby" performed around the campfire.

To sum it up, I'd say a great time was had by all.

Cyd, Part II

One of the first things that came to my mind the day I learned Cyd was no longer alive, was the realization that not only had Cyd been killed... but someone had actually murdered her. She hadn't just been hit by a car, or gone down in a plane; another human being had chosen, at some moment in time, to commit a cold-blooded act of violence. Against her.

I have tried to imagine that Cyd died painlessly. I hope in my heart that she did. But I have imagined it, for sure. Partly because, recently in our pathophysiology class, we saw pictures of people who had received gunshot wounds to the head, and other trauma. Its very disturbing to see the face of someone who has been shot. Partly, because they are lifeless, helpless. But also because killing, as opposed to other ways of dying, forces the killed to bear the ultimate expression of hatred.

I thought about these people who took my friend's life. I tried to imagine who they were; what they looked like, what they thought of, the moment they were murdering a helpless and defenseless woman. And there was one thought that came to the surface:

I want to quit school. I want to go to Afghanistan. I want to track these people down... I want to find them, and I want to tell them something, in case she didn't get the chance:

Cyd loved them. They were the reason she went to Afghanistan- hopeless people, just like them. That her entire purpose in going there was to bring love, and light, and goodness to a dark place. That they could kill Cyd, but they could never kill what she stood for. That their hate and murder was forgiven, and that love can never be put to death.

That they can change. I want to believe that her death made a difference to them, just as her life made a difference to us. That there is a way to end this endless hatred living in their hearts. As Khaled Hosseini said in The Kite Runner, that "there is a way to be good again."

Ridiculous hope, you might say. But then, its ridiculous to move there in the first place.

Cyd

Two weeks ago, at my housechurch, we prayed that we would get some word on Cyd and her driver. Then last Tuesday, at 11:13 a.m., Ross called to let me know that sometime over the weekend, Cyd and Hadi had both been killed.

As he was saying the sentence, oh, how I wanted the last word to be different. But he was saying it too slowly and seriously for the word to have been, "freed," or "rescued,"- I knew it from the beginning. And entered a state of shock that lasted just about this whole last week. Its been a weird decision, because normally I wouldn't talk about this stuff with very many people, but I decided that I am going to post a lot about her death on here. Because I have been learning so much and its so precious to me, that I want to share who she was and what all of this has meant to me. So this will just be the first of many thoughts on this.

It was such a long day. Questions kept filling my mind.. how did Cyd die? When did she die? How do they- whoever they are- know that she is dead? Where is her body? What was the last thing she ate, drank, saw, thought, prayed?

Romans was a complete comfort to me. Particularly, chapter 6- people only die once, and then death no longer has power over them. Cyd was suffering in the month before she passed away, and evil people had control of her. But they do not any longer. I wish so much though, that I could have spoken to, or communicated with her just one last time.

Just before Ross called, I'd been praying for her. My friend EB and I are memorizing the book of Colossians. And a particularly apt verse for her had been, "May you be made strong with all the strength that comes from his glorious power, and may you be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully giving thanks to the Father."

And I remembered how many times in Afghanistan, when things were just way too hard, God would bring something really good into the day, and bless you with it, and it would alleviate a lot of the pain. So, instead of my normal prayer- that she would be freed, or have a chance to escape and the courage to take it, I prayed that God would give Cyd a really good gift. Something really, really really good. And I was thinking along the lines of getting to play with a little child or getting something delicious to eat...

But instead he gave her a crown of life.

Fourteen Days and Five Tests

Here is another boring post about school. But, since its the only thing going on, its all there is for me to write about. We have fourteen school days until SPRING BREAK! And, unfortunately, five big tests in that time period. So, if you wonder what I am doing until March 14th, I will answer your question with a question. What are you doing over the break?

Other random news:

I saw my first patient in the Green Clinic last Tuesday. Her name was Lala and, she wasn't sick. So who knows what significance that may hold for the future.

Louie, Ashlie's cat who is my cat's brother, stayed with me for nine days while she went to Nicaragua. Louie was one smart little cookie... he taught Sahar all kinds of bad things. Where he learned them, I don't know. The street? Some kind of club for bad cats? Surely not the litter. Sahar didn't know any of it until he showed up. But, Ashlie came back yesterday and then he went home. And hopefully he is never coming back.

My aunt from New York came and stayed with my mom last week. I wish I'd had more time to spend with her, but still it was nice to see Aunt Julie for the time we were able to hang out. She is hilarious and told me all kinds of stories and family secrets. Now I am in the Conger Family Circle of Trust. But don't ask me about the secrets because only the people who keep the secrets stay in the circle. And I will never tell anyway, because family secrets are secrets for very good reasons.

Lunar Eclipse

A total lunar eclipse is projected to be visible with the naked eye in Oklahoma from around 9 to 9:50 tonight.

I Have Finally Done It.

The time stamp has been changed from Kabul to Central Time, a mere 15 months after returning to this time zone. Procrastinators, we are one.

Its Down to 7!

Yay! Okay, we technically have eight months until rotations left; but really its only about seven since we have three and a half weeks of vacation between now and then.

Si, Se Puede!

My biggest weakness, the one that undeniably distracts me the most from studying, was somewhat startlingly confirmed last night. I started thinking it last fall and then it was made obvious for sure last night at the Health Science Center library..

Most people that go to OU go to the stadium in Norman to see our team win, and that's where they jump up and down and scream. But apparently the library is where I go to jump up and down and scream for my team. When I accidentally screamed in the library last night reading about my favorite candidate's weekend victories I knew that there was something more powerful than a mere liking for politics going on.

Barack Obama. No one thought he had much of a chance but there is something to this man. He regularly draws crowds of 10,000 to 20,000 in every state from Nebraska to Virginia to California. He swept the primaries and caucuses this weekend... here's to hoping he sweeps the remainder of the February contests and March 4th!! If you would like insider news on what's going on in his campaign, I love Sam Graham-Felsen's blog.

Redemption: Actual People vs. Powerpoints

Well, after a pretty bad two weeks ago, this week was much better. I am feeling a thousand times better- finally got over that infection so now I have a lot of energy again. And it turns out that I didn't fail the pharmacy test; and I like school again. :)

One of the best things that has happened since school began last June happened last Thursday when I got to see my first patient. As part of our Patient Management Skills class, every six weeks we go out to either OU Children's oncology, Jim Thorpe rehab or the Veteran's Hospital to practice the complete history and physical on a patient. No one else at school was as excited as I was but I couldn't wait and it turned out that it really was a wonderful experience. I can't believe the huge difference there is between class and a clinical experience like that. It was just so fun. Most of the other students have also had a chance to pratice diagnosing and prescribing in the Green Clinic with the PA's in the Family Medicine Center but I won't get to do that for two weeks. Everyone that has been in Green Clinic has said that it is the best part of PA school. They are seeing all kinds of interesting things... so I can't wait to go either.

This too shall pass... it passed. Although we still have absolutely no word on Cyd, so keep her lifted up. Love you all!

Randomly Compiled Thoughts

1.) Still no word on Cyd... after a short freak out on Thursday night, I realized Cyd is probably fine and just locked in a room somewhere; and promptly failed my pharmacy test the next morning.

2.) This really was a weird two weeks. Two Thursdays ago, I found out I had MRSA, which means I've felt like crap ever since. Then on Friday the medicine I was taking started making me paranoid, then in real life my friend was kidnapped Saturday morning. Tuesday I went to a small group and really loved it, because they prayed for the war in Kenya and Cyd for two hours. Then after I started sending Cyd emails, so she would have them when she got home, my gmail account was locked; and then Friday it was unlocked and I failed the pharm test. How do you explain a week like that to the completely normal-looking blonde sorority girl sitting next to you in class after she just described the last episode of Nip/Tuck? Oh, how was my week? Yeah, I'll just start a conversation about the Taliban. That would be completely normal right now.

3.) Yesterday I came to a really freeing conclusion. I HATE SCHOOL. I don't have to wonder why I sometimes break out in fits of anger. I hate school and its that unadulterated despising making its way to the surface.

4.) I still really love medicine. How this works out with hating school I don't know. Most of it has to do with the last three sentences of #2 and realizing that I am there for such different reasons than many of my classmates that I can't even begin to explain it to them.

5.) I am tired of only being able to explain 2 minutes worth of emotion to 50 different people when there's an ocean inside. Holding it back ten times a day, seven days a week... I don't know how much longer this can go on. Breaking down multiple times a day doesn't seem like a very good option either. Oh, that the Lord would give me strength to do his will.

Update

Well, there's no new news on Cyd or Hadi so far. But here is a link where you can get almost daily updates from their organization.

For a Friend

Yesterday morning in Kandahar, one of my former team mates from Afghanistan was abducted as she was driven to work, along with her Afghan driver, Mohammad Hadi.

Please remember Cyd Mizell and Mr. Hadi, who has five children, in your prayers. The Taliban has not yet taken credit or made any demands. Hopefully, they will release her as they have every other woman they've ever abducted. Cyd is the first American to be kidnapped in Afghanistan since the 2001 invasion. Also remember their families and their almost-family, the Kandahar ARLDF team.

Address

Here is my new address. Don't track me down and stalk me. (Unless, you are single, tall, dark, and handsome with innocent motives.)

225 NE 1st Street
Apt 205
OKC, OK 73104

Phone number remains the same.

A New Semester Begins

Wow... the break went by way too fast. But I don't think a Christmas break was ever more enjoyed by a human being before!!! It was really a blessing to be able to move so close to school for the next two semesters. This will definitely save a lot of time, gas, and frustration. I am so happy to be settled in.

We start out 2008 with Radiology, Pharmacotherapeutics and Pathophysiology. I'm only batting 1/3 right now since I don't even know what the last two classes are so its good that we have a whole semester to find out. We also have OBGYN, neurology and nephrology (kidney). I am already afraid. BUT- have also been greatly encouraged to know that, no matter what else happens in the next 50 years... we only have ten months of CLASS left. If I can make it through the next ten months still enrolled, then I will survive to hopefully have a little more free time during rotations.

I thought a lot over the break how there are so many things that I miss getting to do during school. See family and friends, read for fun, volunteer, spend time with little people, enjoy nature on walks with friends, etc... There is a really necessary relational element built into human nature that is impossible to be content without. But this morning at church I really just understood that I only have to forego many of those things until next October, when we go out on rotations. That is really not a long time at all, when you consider the span of an entire life. So I am trying to stem the tide of depression that comes when I think about another 10 months of solitary confinement with books, lectures, forced self-discipline and staring at a computer screen. It is not going to last forever. And, we get a spring break and a two week vacation in June. Nothing to complain about when a lot of people worked in the Gulag archipelago for decades.

Such a cheery note to end on. Here's to enjoying the New Year!

Home to a Whirlwind Move

I am coming home in just a few hours. This trip has been awesome!!! Soo much fun... just what the doctor ordered. REST. I am leaving early tomorrow morning.

When I get back to Oklahoma (which I am ecstatic to hear has warm weather!), I'll be dropped off, drive to my new apartments, sign the lease, and finish moving and packing. The movers will come Thursday afternoon and hopefully the move will be completely finished by Thursday night. I am moving to Deep Deuce in Bricktown, which is just 5 minutes away from school! Yayaaayyy!!

On a more somber note, I have a lot of studying to do because we have proficiency exams for physical diagnosis the first week of school. Be praying that the move will go smoothly and the semester will start out well. I will post pictures of the Utah trip on Facebook, for some reason my computer is no longer allowing me to post pictures to blogger. Not sure what the problem is, I think it has to do with the Mac. Anyway, I'm off through another short whirlwind of change. Hopefully things will settle down a LOT come Friday!

Barack Obama WON!!

I am elated tonight that Barack Obama won the Democratic caucus in Iowa with 38% of the vote- and Hillary Clinton came out in THIRD PLACE with only 29%. He won Iowa, he can win the nomination. OBAMA '08!

I'm in Utah!

Wow- there is a reason the Olympics were held here instead of Colorado. This place is BEAUTIFUL! I went with my friends to Snowbird on New Years Eve to watch a ski parade called Torchlight. All these skiers hold red lights and ski down the mountain. After attempting to ski yesterday, I cannot imagine skiing down the mountain at night holding torches. They did a great job! Afterwards they had fireworks and we got some great pictures I will try to put up on Facebook later.

Then for New Year's Day we went to another ski resort called Brighton. Keri had never skied before either, so a friend of hers who grew up skiing went with us to teach us. She did a great job! The day before it had only been 7 degrees up on the mountain but for us it was 22 and sunny- pretty much a perfect day to learn! I was a little nervous since before coming, I asked everyone in Oklahoma who had been skiing what their first day was like. And some people had really bad experiences. I think because Keri's friend was such a great teacher and we basically got private lessons, for us it was great and so fun! I was really pleased that running the last couple years paid off and I didn't ever get tired on the mountain or feel sore today.

We are going to go back to Brighton tomorrow all day. Yay!!

Since I Am a Slave of a Certain Institution of Higher Education 11 months Out of the Year...

I am making two trips over the break. I leave Tuesday, Dec. 18th for Iowa and will be there until Sunday, Dec. 23rd. I am also going to Utah to visit Keri and Cody Dougless from Monday, Dec. 31st to Wednesday, January 9th.

Oh, The Lovely Goodness!

There is just something GOOD about working hard and being DONE. As Nacho would say, "Really good." !!

I had a long list of all the things I needed to do over the break. And the crazy thing is that I got about 60% of them done just today!! It is AMAZING what a day off will do for your stress level!!!

I also realized that means it really doesn't take that long to do all those little things that bug you and make you feel more stressed out than you really are. So, hopefully they won't contribute so much stress in the future.

The only things left I really need to do over the break are, in no particular order:

1.) Spay my cat
2.) Visit family in Iowa
3.) Write a bestseller
4.) Visit Keri and snowboard in Utah
5.) Watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy 3 or 4 times
6.) Memorize the complete physical exam

Yay!! Number three is in case there's a lot of spare time. Number 5 is not.

Riddle

What do the movie, "Mutiny on the Bounty" and Tara's blog, drawingontheceiling.blogspot.com, have in common?

The winner of this riddle will get a can of hominy, as soon as Summer pays up what she owes.

Updates from the Grave

I am dead to the world for the next 12 days- until school gets out on the 14th of December. But, here are some updates from the OU health science center graveyard. I mean library.

1.) I have a new kitten!!! Her name is Sehar and she is a super cute little orange tiger.

2.) I am moving to Oklahoma City!! Woo HOO! This is one I am incredibly excited about because it will mean I will save an hour of driving back and forth to Edmond every day. Since we don't go on rotations until ten months after school starts in January, this move will save me over 200 hours of driving! I will be moving into Deep Deuce on January 10th, right after I get back from Utah and before school starts.

3.) I have a new boyfriend!! Hahahaha. Just kidding.

4.) My 25th birthday is the DAY AFTER school gets out! This is going to be the best Christmas break EVER.

5.) I have to study a lot until our last final is over so please be praying for a good end to the semester! See you SOON!

Alternative Source of Reading

Things have been hectic here and, despite wildly optimistic imaginings, I don't think the last month of school is going to let up any. So instead of actually posting new information, I'm putting my old blog address up here for those who might not have known about it. It has pictures from my first trip to Afghanistan, as well as the stories of how the Afghan ESL class started in Fort Worth, life in Texas, and- of course- some really crazy dreams.

placidstreamlet.blogspot.com

Cast it into the fire!

Do you remember the scene, at the end of the third Lord of the Rings, right after Gollum has bitten the ring off Frodo's finger, fallen into the Crack of Doom, and finally destroyed the Ring? After Frodo and Sam make haste to escape from the mountain before it explodes into the fiery river of ash and lava? Do you remember what Frodo says to Sam when they reach the tiny rock that harbors them until the eagles come?

"ITS GONE. ITS DONE!"

Sitting on that rock; panting, exhausted, near collapsing, and- so darn relieved- Frodo is finally FINISHED with his impossible monstrosity of a task.

And right now, I feel just like him in that moment. Ahhh... the relief is inexpressible. But, for me it was just passing a cardiology test; I was not so fortunate as to have rid the Earth of Evil Forever today. Although apart from the Dark Lord, the Ring, and the end of the world, it was pretty much the same. Though, no one tried to bite off my fingers to take my pencil. Maybe the PA program could add that in... fifty tests, and only twenty-five pencils. Who will pass this clinical medicine test, and who will go home with just nine fingers?? Find out in Spring 2008!

I am deliriously tired and going to bed.

Zalia

Last week, we had a big physiology test on Friday. On Thursday morning, they told us that class was cancelled that afternoon, but that our class had to provide 3 volunteers to read books to children at a health fair. Since I thought we were going to have class, and had already studied a lot, I volunteered to go.

We showed up at the City Rescue Mission around 3pm. There were many unique characters loitering outside who all felt it was imperative to talk to us on the way in. I made a mental note to dress in a gigantic purple sweater with a cartoon charater on the front, cross my eyes, and look as crazy as a bat the next time I go there.

We walked inside and were escorted to our table. The PA charity coordinator for the 2nd year students had applied for, and received, a grant for 600 medical children's books. There were such classics as (Macs can't italize on blogger) Clifford Goes to the Hospital and The Magic Schoolbus. Our plan was to read the books to the children to encourage literacy and then let them take them home.

Unfortunately, there were not very many children at the Health Fair. We had around 10 come by to receive books. Only one, however, wanted to be read to. Her name was Zalia.

She picked out the Magic Schoolbus and we started to read. She was 6, and learning to read in school. I soon realized that The Magic Schoolbus was a bit over her level. Leukocytes, chyme, and villi were things I didn't learn about until college, so it didn't seem necessary to go into all the details or to read the book word for word to her. Let's just say we ended up skipping a lot and its surprising the book made sense in the end after all the alterations.

Well, one thing she did learn. At the end of the book, there's a diagram of the human body with most of the organs labeled. We didn't go into all of it, but I did end up explaining the lungs to her, and why we breathe in air. Although it was a fairly long explanation, she was very smart and really got it.

As we finished, she unexpectedly piped up, "You know my friend Charlise smokes cigarettes and she is only 4."

This was an unexpected statement, but oddly enough, we'd just gone through the mechanics of the respiratory system. So, regardless of whether she was telling the truth or not, it was the perfect opportunity to really explain to her what cigarettes do and why we don't smoke. How the nice pink lung tissue turns black and doesn't work anymore, and eventually can kill people. I think at the end, she really got it. "So that's why my dad is always coughing and going to the hospital, huh?" she ruminated.

I then couldn't resist. "So what do you NEVER do?"

"Smoke cigarettes!" she said enthusiastically and we high-fived. With the possibility that she had seen people doing drugs on my mind, I had just one more question for her.

"And what else do you never do, Zalia?"

"Say cuss words or give people the middle finger." I had to smile. Okay, that too.

Summary of My Life.

PTL Pulmonology is Over.

Approximately 10-14 days before, I can feel it. The pressure starts to build. Without beginning serious study on that day, all hope it lost. How do I know this? Here is a short two test history for you:

GI: Serious isolationism begun 2 weeks before the test. Total approximate hours outside of class studied: 60. Score: 88.

Pulm: Serious isolationism begun 1.5 weeks before the test. TAHOOCS: 45. Score: You don't even want to know. Hopefully she will give us at least two points back and I can get a low B.

And you should know that we don't get the information until a little over 2 weeks from the test. Sometimes less.

There is something about this that just drives anal people like me crazy. Something about giving up almost all social contact and not even making a B on the test!!! Something about... NOT BEING ABLE TO MAKE AN A! aHHHH!! I can't really isolate myself any more. So it looks like I will be a B student and that is a hard pill to take.

Do you want to know what the saddest part of it all is. We have three more tests in the next ten days.

But the good part is that when those are over, it won't be as stressful for awhile. Hmm. I think I have been saying that to myself every time. Hmm.

So now you know why you don't hear from me ever. December! December, my friend, will be a great month. A fantastic month. A month full of wonder and happiness and beauty. Yes, it will be a month to outdo all other months. I will spend all of December in warm, sugary joy with all of you!

A Beautiful Thing

So last night I went to an orchestra concert for the first time in years. It was totally surreal. I am so thankful, looking back, for the opportunity my parents gave me way back when to learn an instrument and be involved in such an amazing thing. I also thought about a few other things...

My parents were amazing. They really dealt out a lot of cash for me to take private lessons, play in contests, quartets, three different orchestras at the same time, uniforms, music, strings, upkeep, etc. What I got in return is priceless and I am so thankful they realized the value of their investment back when I was just eleven years old.

My parents also almost never missed concerts. Considering we had them all the time for twelve or thirteen years that is pretty amazing. I remember them always sitting as close as possible and videotaping every single one I ever played in. They were amazingly supportive.

You can't go back. I realized last night, watching them play, that the orchestras I remember will never exist again. All my friends, old conductors, even my ability to play those things are all either gone or have diminished. Its a little sad because I love playing in a full orchestra almost more than doing anything else on earth. There's no way to describe the feeling of playing a symphony in perfect unison with sixty other people. One that I think of in particular is Jupiter from Holst's The Planets. Some rare, indescribably joyful and beautiful feeling rises up within you during the main theme that makes you want to cry and kiss and scream and never stop playing it all at the same time.

I am really looking forward to getting out of grad school because I am definitely going to try and find another orchestra to play in. You can't go back, but you can go ahead.

Medical Nightmare Victims Awareness Association

We hear all kinds of crazy stories, pretty much daily now, of medical nightmares. Things you would not want to happen to your dog. Things that should definitely never happen to living human beings. I don't know if an association like the one above exists or not, but if one does, I think I should get to be an honorary member.

Everyone knows I have crazy dreams almost every night. Now, I cannot believe I didn't see this coming. I have started experiencing some medical nightmares of my own during the noctural hours. They are insane! I've started dreaming of procedures we learned about in class that day...being done on ME! But they have these horrible twists, like instead of medical instruments the PAs or nurses will be using broken pieces of glass... or they refuse to intubate me when I am suffocating and I wake up gasping for air. And these dreams are SO REAL.

I had one, early on in anatomy, the day we dissected the heart. In class, I had to wash the blood out of the heart and it took a long time so I think the visual of that human heart in my hands got lodged in my unconscious. That night I dreamed I had elective open heart surgery... to dissect my own heart while I was conscious.

OH. This cannot go on. The people these things happen to in real life get a blank check from the hospital. I'm getting nothing. My only compensation is the flood of relief that comes when I realize all my vital organs are still in working order. Where, oh where, is the MNVAA??

My Niece

Hey everyone, my niece Kiersten was hit by a car last Friday and snapped her femur in half. She was extremely lucky because that's all that happened. They did surgery Friday night and put a metal plate in it. She'll be in the hospital until Monday (the dates on my blog are messed up- today isn't Monday.) Please be praying for her and her family. We are so relieved that she will be fine.

Hasta la Vista, GI

We just finished our section on gastroenterology. I am so relieved!! The weekend after our clinical medicine tests are like a little piece of heaven. We start pulmonology on Monday.

Everything is going pretty good. We have a month off for Christmas break and I just booked a trip to Salt Lake City to visit a good friend who is living out there. I can't wait!

Right now I am just enjoying being in school and still spend my study breaks reading the news as is apparent on the next post. I probably need to find something else to do.

We have met the enemy, and he is us.

I cried reading the new all week. Why do we want to start wars with nations that haven't attacked us?

I feel strongly about the prejudice some Americans have for Iran because it is exactly that: blind prejudice. Have you read some of the comments on NYT articles lately? I was ashamed. Ahmadinejad doesn't have blond hair; he looks like the Arabs who committed 9/11. And our Zionist president has labeled him on an "axis of evil" that, interestingly, other world leaders we respect less are NOT on. After all, why aren't Sudanese militia leaders on that list? Or Mugabe? Or anyone else who has caused intense suffering in Africa? Hmm..

I'm not saying Iran is innocent. No nation is. But like Iraq, they had nothing to do with 9/11. The real terrorists in 9/11 were Saudi Arabians, who are ARABS. Iranian people are Persian. They are an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ETHNIC GROUP. They just look alike and live near each other. Not a good reason to attack them.

The CIA did a special report and concluded that is it, in fact, not proven that Ahmadinejad had anything to do with the American hostage crisis thirty years ago.

Iran was attacked by Saddam Hussein and underwent a very long and painful war in the 80's during which they were repeatedly the victims of chemical warfare. The religious head of Iran condemned this type of warfare and Iran NEVER USED chemical warfare back on moral grounds. They don't believe in using chemical (or nuclear) weapons. Reagan's administration, however, knew about the chemical warfare being used against Iranian civilians and continued to support Iraq militarily.

Countless teenage Iranian soldiers sacrificed themselves in human wave attacks- knowingly walking onto land planted with mines in order to clear it for the trained Iranian army to cross over.

Iran is building schools and clinics in the city I lived in last fall. They are also responsible for a ton of power and roads in Afghanistan. They are doing really good things for their poor neighbor in the fight against terrorism and the Taliban. Hamid Karzai himself has declared this over and over and Bush has had to belittle Afghanistan's president to try and deny it.

America has destroyed Iraq and we really need a scapegoat; so the administration is claiming that Iran is behind a bunch of attacks in Iraq. This is COMPLETE crap. I hope we don't attack a second nation that has absolutely nothing to do with Al Qaeda and destroy the lives of millions of ordinary citizens. Once was too much.

God save Iran from us.

Medicine, you have a place in my heart after all.

I realized, a few days ago, something really strange. I spent 16 months preparing and applying to a medical program AND... I never, ever thought through what medicine actually is or what it would mean to practice it. Hmm.

This is possibly the strangest realization of my life. I really spent countless hours on something that I didn't think through. I made a decision about my LIFE OCCUPATION based on zero logical thought processes. I mean, I knew I liked science but science doesn't have that much to do with medicine; I certainly never sat down and thought about intubating babies, writing prescriptions, or doing emergency tracheotomies.

It probably would have helped if the words "medical practice" had crossed my mind. But the real reason I never asked myself if I liked medicine was because I just believed that God wanted me to go to PA school. And figured that it had something to do with helping poor people in the end.

But now, I find myself sitting in our classes, LOVING learning about pathologies and treatments. I get really, really, really excited thinking about rotations and diagnosing patients and healing people. These things are making me so excited for the future!

And so I realize, on a deeper level than ever, that God truly knows me better than I know myself. He is the one who guided me into a profession he knew I would love. I entrusted my whole life to Him, and He led me to something that He knew would bring me deep satisfaction and fulfillment. And honestly, though I should have thought it through, God didn't need me to. That's how it is with the Lord; if you think it through, it will probably make sense in the end, if not in the beginning; but you really can just trust Him.

Dreams

Sometimes it really sucks to wake up in the morning. This last week, for me, its had little to do with sleepiness. I keep having these really intense, hope-I-can-sleep-a-little-longer-to-find-out-what-happens kind of dreams. Here are some synopses from the last few nights:

I wake up one morning and a friend of mine has died and left me her tiny, newborn, still pink-faced infant. The thing is so tiny I have no idea how I'm going to feed it, find it daycare, and still be on time to class at 8 a.m.

My dad convinces me to cut off my feet for an experiment and tells me it will be easy to get them back on. We do, and it doesn't hurt, and it isn't until the next day when I am trying to hobble around on stumps that I have the horrible realization that he was wrong, and its permanent, and WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT FEET?!!

Some friends from PA school and I are lost in Middle Earth. We can see the Misty Mountains but we have no idea where we are exactly or how to get to Gondor and out of the grasp of the Dark Lord... until we find the Robert L. Byrd library, look on a map, and realize that we are in Osgiliath.

I am somewhere off the coast of South America. Probably Ecuador. A good old friend and I join up with some strangers and a hoary old captain and skipper a small boat across the Pacific. Halfway through the voyage, we realize that the old captain hasn't come out of his cabin for a couple weeks and is probably dead. My friend goes in to check and...

Some lady from Blue Cross Blue Shield called and woke me up! It appears that one will remain a mystery for now. But sometimes I dream the same dream later and finish it, so if I find out what happens I'll let you know.

Those things are HUGE!

So, I have always had a hard time smelling things. I never knew why until last week. We were doing ENT (ear, nose and throat) exams on each other when the girl who was looking up my nose said, "I think you have nasal polyps!" So we get the instructor to come over, and sure enough, I have two huge, very anteriorly-located nasal polyps- one in each nostril.

So nasal polyps cause anosmia, or a decreased sense of smell. I feel so vindicated!! My lack of smell is indeed a physical anomaly that has also probably been the cause of frequent nasal congestion. Whenever I get a cold or allergies, my nasal mucosa tries to swell and has nowhere to go because those things are HUGE!

I think its funny, though, that I have been to doctors all my life and they have never, ever looked up my nose. The next time you are at your doctor just ask them to and maybe you will get a little nasaly surprise.

We started fall classes today.

This fall we have physiology, physical diagnosis, and clinical medicine. Clinical medicine will actually be six different sections that we have to pass individually (so they are a little like different classes). I am stoked and feel really excited, but I also don't feel ready. Its weird that you can work toward something for as many as five years and then feel totally unprepared when it happens!

Last weekend was a blast. I can't remember when I've had so much fun... or maybe it just seemed so fun because we weren't studying. I think this weekend my brother's family will be here to help my mom move into her new house. I am really excited to see them and hopefully things won't have picked up too much yet. That seeems to be all the news on this side... love you all and take care!

P.S., At this point the Taliban has killed two of the hostages and freed two of them. Please keep praying for them.

Oklahoma: Working Toward Not Being As Boring.

Maybe everyone already knows this. But I just found out today that part of the MAPS project was a really nice boathouse for rowing and crew along the Oklahoma river. Now finished and located just south of Bricktown on Lincoln, the Chesapeake Boathouse is a boat lover's hotspot and offers rowing lessons, clubs, rentals, etc along 7 miles of the scenic Oklahoma river. Check it out at ChesapeakeBoathouse.org. You can rent a two person kayak for $7.50 per person per hour, or a one person kayak for $10 an hour. You can also join the boathouse for an annual membership fee and dragonboat or kayak anytime.

I am stoked! I think I'll go this weekend.

Seven More Days, Happiness and Dreams

Our anatomy class is over in seven days. Sigh of relief...

However, yesterday I realized that even with all the school stuff going on, life seems to be the happiest its been for a long time. I am so thankful for that!! I don't think it would be possible to be in a better place in life or happier. I am so grateful for the friends and family who are such amazing people. I am so thankful to be in school learning so many cool things. I am so thankful to be living in great apartments that are really peaceful and have a beautiful lake that can be run around at sunset every evening. I am really thankful to have a brand new, awesome little red fish named Ivanhoe. (He's really cute, anyone who wants is invited to come see him!!!) I am just so grateful for life. Even though I know seasons of happiness and sadness come and go, I'm so glad to be in such a peaceful place for the time being.

I also went out after our last test and bought some plants to put out on my balcony. It had been looking pretty bare. As I was buying them, I suddenly remembered something that happened almost ten years ago on an orchestra trip to London.

I had never been out of the country, and the first morning we arrived, they took us on a bus tour of the city. We were driving around, seeing all these amazing things you only see in pictures- Big Ben, the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace... and as we took in all the sights, I remember driving by a bunch of English flats. They all had balconies filled with bright green plants. And I hoped to myself that someday, I would have an apartment of my own with a refreshing little balcony just like that.

So, when I brought these gorgeous new plants home a few nights ago, I made a dream that was almost ten years old come true. Its such a little thing- but it was so weird how I realized that all of us, as life changes, sometimes get to see our dreams come true. Its beautiful!! But its hard to believe how long they can take. I think if someone would have told me then that I wouldn't have that balcony for ten years, I would have been really sad or wouldn't have cared if it had happened at all, ever. But now I see that it was worth the wait. (Especially since I forgot I was waiting.)

I'm really hoping that being a PA will be much the same. A dream that seems to take forever but is worth coming true...

Signs

Tonight at Lifechurch, Craig's main message from the "At the Movies" movie Signs was... when strange things happen, do you see it as the hand of God or as a coincidence?

I thought about this for awhile and was surprised to find out something a little weird about how I have always thought of things. First, it seems that if things happen out of the blue, then I totally accept them as the hand of God and his intervention into life. Don't usually question it.

But, the really weird thing I realized, is that if I pray for something from God- and then it happens, I usually wonder at least once if it was really him answering my prayer or if it was just a coincidence. Isn't this weird?

So I started thinking- have there been any signs lately I haven't noticed? All I had to do, upon arrival home from church tonight, was to look back in my journal. This shed a lot of light on the matter. Back in May, I prayed for two very specific things. I don't want to share but they were SPECIFIC. And I was praying really hard for these things... for about a month.Then, PA school happened. I was consumed with all of the new things to do and totally forgot about my prayer. Then, within three days of PA school starting, out of the blue the two things I prayed for happened.

But the weird thing? I never even wrote them down in my journal or remembered I had asked for them! It was as if these two answers to prayer came and it didn't even cross my mind that God had just provided what I had asked for so fervently. In looking back, I guess at the time they seemed like coincidences to me. Only now does it all become clear.

And I know its not just because I asked for them that they happened. They happened because they have a place in the plan of God, like all affirmative answers to prayer. "The Lord works out everything for his own ends..." And yet, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

One More

One more war rant, then I'm done for awhile I promise.

The US is almost completely finished with an almost 600 million embassy in Baghdad, the largest US embassy anywhere in the world, complete with its own power supply, water purfication system, wells, apartments, and palm tree-lined swimming pools.

As Iraqis walk by our more than half a billion dollar luxury establishment through their own blown-up streets to wait in gas lines, this embassy shows Iraqis that we do indeed have the resources and ability to build reliable infrastructure. Just not on them. And, that our current administration and their war profiteering oil mongers have no intention of leaving Iraq's huge pool of oil, ever.

I have to go buy some gas now.

Surprised by a Lovely Snack.

Last night my 8 year old niece spent the night. Now, this child has the most optimistic and precious heart and a very sweet disposition. So as we were leaving to go to my house and she told me she was going to make me a "special snack," the following ensued.

"I make it all the time, and everyone always loves it!" she said happily.

"How do you know that I have all the ingredients you'll need to make it?" I asked.

"Oh, its easy!" she replied. "Everyone has them. I just need flour, sugar, and baking powder. Do you have those Aunt Erin?"

"Yes I do," I said.

"Oh, and do you have an oven?" she added.

"Yes, I do have an oven," I replied.

"And chocolate chips?" Followed hopefully.

"Well, no. I don't have any chocolate chips."

"Okay, well that's fine. Then that's all I'll need. Flour, sugar, baking power- oh, and ham."

"Ham?!!" I said with some alarm.

"Yep, ham. You've got some ham?"

"Um, no. Actually I don't. Wait, I do have some lunch meat ham. Will that work?" I said hesitatingly, still somewhat uncertain of what this random pork item was doing being tossed into what had up to this point seemed like a harmless cookie recipe.

"Yes, yes. that should work just fine. Oh, and actually, I don't need the oven."

I was mystified at this point. "Jensen, let me get this straight. You are going to make something out of flour, sugar, baking powder, and ham- without an oven?"

She smiled up at me. "Yes! We do it all the time."

Okay, I thought. Whatever. I am a really easy going aunt. Let's just see what she makes.

After getting to my apartment and swimming for awhile, while I was in the shower rinsing off she went to work in the kitchen. Little did I know that a few new items were getting tossed into the mix- some pears that she had harvested the night before from the tree in my mom's backyard as well as a carefully hoarded after-dinner mint from Pei Wei's Asian Diner procured at a previous unspecified mealtime.

I came out of the shower to find a gigantic mess in the kitchen, and two finished, um... "snacks." Thankfully, it turned out that there was actually no ham involved. Like many things small children say I have no idea where she got that, but I know it made sense to her at the time. Here was her masterpiece.



Yes, that is an unbaked drizzle of flour, sugar, water, and baking powder on a plate frosted with granulated sugar and slices of pear.



Its a little blurry, but perhaps you can discern that mine is garnished with the aforementioned, strategically positioned after-dinner mint. Only slightly less obvious might be the whole lot of lovin' she added that made it all worthwhile.

Please Pray.

Yesterday at 5pm, 18 Korean workers were kidnapped on their way to Kandahar. At this point it seems that they were entirely a visiting group, no long term workers were among them, and they are mostly young adults. Please, please be in prayer for this group of young people who are now being held by the Taliban.

Some of you may remember the post about the doctors who stopped and humbled themselves to wash and feed street children. Those doctors and their colleagues are the long-term workers who invited this group and were expecting them. Please be prayer for the entire community of expatriate workers in this city and please pray that the Taliban will have mercy on those being held.

Things That Are Really Too Important Not to Think About, No Matter How Busy You Are.

A new study by the Congressional Reasearch Service reported that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan now cost 12 billion dollars per month. That's right, billion with a B! 10 billion for Iraq, and 2 billion for Afghanistan. Now, I am the first person to really not care so much about money. BUT... doesn't this sound crazy to anyone else?? Even if you are not into math... WOW! We have now spent almost half a trillion dollars on the wars, and President Bush has another 147 billion dollar proposal for them pending!

As my sister and Nancy Pelosi have recently said, think of all that this money could have done. We could have rehauled the health care system, provided for schools and education, enforced the borders, invested in alternative energy, or heck- we could have rebuilt Banda Aceh from the freakin' ground up or educated and provided AIDS medicine to most of Africa! Anything but blowing apart other people's lives. Not to mention that we also would have thousands of living servicemen and women, and the deep and irreversible emotional and physical scarring of the recent war veterans could have been erased.

According to a recent gallup poll, 7 out of 10 Americans are now in favor of a troop pullout by April.

President Bush's approval rating is now only 29%.

Also, the principle author of the new National Intelligence Estimate on the Terrorist Threat to the US Homeland, Edward Gistaro, flatly stated that Al Qaeda in Iraq did not exist before the US invasion.

So it seems to me that the White House is spending 10 billion dollars a month to fuel a terrorist organization and a civil war. This... is... complete.... INSANITY!! There is just no other word.

Finally...

We took our first test today and I think... I am probably going to graduate from this program. Thank God! it was not nearly as bad as we all thought it would be. I just screamed for awhile in the car on the way home I was so excited that it looks like I am not going to fail this class.

Now, I happen to have one of two apartments in the entire complex which overlooks the neighborhood pool. I also happen to be able to hear, through my window, all the fun people are having when they are in said pool. It rained non-stop for almost the first three weeks the pool was open; now for the last three weeks my contact with the pool has been limited to overhearing other's great enjoyment of it.

But finally... this test is over and I AM GOING SWIMMING RIGHT NOW!!!

P.S., I just also have to thank the people who have been praying for me. I know that I made it through these last stressful weeks because of you guys. Thanks a lot. :)

Overwhelming, But Good.

Okay, it is totally overwhelming to have so much stuff to learn and what seems like never enough time to do it. For example- the last two weeks I have basically done nothing but school. I go to school and when I'm not in class I am at the library or my house studying or running around trying to get little things like student IDs and immunizations and parking permits done.

Yet, although I studied around four hours every day beforehand as well as a ridiculous amount of hours adding up to somewhere around 21 the two days before our mini-exam yesterday- I still only got 5 out of 10 questions right. And the scary thing is that I guessed on some of those!

My only relief was found in talking to other students who only got 3 or 4 right and they guessed on half of their correct answers, too. It was a sad, sad day in the anatomy lab yesterday as the reality of what we might have to give up this summer dawned.

So, I have a lot left to do before our real test next Monday. Its kind of depressing because in some ways I don't know how else I can study. Or, I can think of some ways, but they don't include sleep or food. Maybe I will give those a try this week...

Crap. This is going to be hard.

After going to my first anatomy class today, I realized that there is only one for for the next six weeks and word is-

GOODBYE. See you in six weeks.

We had a three hour lecture today on the nervous system. I was all there the first hour. I was 80% there the second hour. But by the third hour, it was down to like 40. I felt like I missed every other thing he said. It was impossible to write (OR type!) as fast as this man was talking. And I realized, that I have a LOT of studying to do.

So please understand that I am not dead, I am studying. See you sometime in the middle of August. :)

Suprise! You are going to PA school in three days.

-God

WOW!~ Now, I LOVE suprises but this one was just about too much for me. I think I have called and emailed half the world and Summer is finally back from Belize- its now all good to post the whole story on here.

Last Tuesday afternoon after work, I got a voicemail from the PA program. Just to "call them back," which is probably the most mysterious message they could have left. Unfortunately, it was 5:04pm, so calling back that night proved fruitless. I tried to calm down and not imagine that they were calling to tell me that I got in.

Wednesday morning at 11am, I found out the reason for the call. The school had not been able to contact a girl who had a prerequisite missing, and I was now #1 on the wait list. Although it wasn't an invitation to attend, it still shocked my pants off! I was totally suprised!

By Friday, I hadn't heard anything new and was about to DIE. I finally emailed the head of the program and asked if he knew what the heck was going on. He emailed me back three little words: "Call me now." So after getting ahold of him, the conversation went something like this...

"Hi Dr. McNeill."
"Hi Erin! What are you doing on Monday?"
"Well, I'm supposed to go to work..."
"Want to go to PA school instead?"

Most of you have already heard this story but I don't think I have EVER been more excited in my whole life!!!!!! I am actually going to PA school TOMORROW.

AHHHHHH!

Arkansas

So Ashlie, Evie and I went to Eureka Springs and Kings River over Memorial Day weekend.

We went up to the top of a lookout. The view was great-

But the stairs were a little steep.

Unfortunately, all the canoeing and kakying pictures were on the waterproof, non-digital camera. To be posted once scanned.

Reunions

I have been meaning to put pictures up forever and am just now getting around to it!! Here are the Johnson's with their adorable crew, Elly and Soren.

The big Q came to visit the same week. Boo to Memphis!

Edmond Christian Church Old Skool Reunion 2007, baby.
Rebecca, Holly, Chris, Casey, me, Tara and Summer.

Mina!! I went to visit my Afghan language helper from Fort Worth.

Divorce Settled

Just so everyone knows, my parents divorce was settled last week and they should be signing the papers and whatnot sometime this week. This is going to amazingly lower the amount of stress in our fam. Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive. Please continue your prayers as my mom moves into a new house sometime this summer.

Intertwining Threads...

So I really have been surprised to find that in the last few months, my political apathy has all but disappeared. Maybe part of it is having hours and hours of free time at work every day to research '08 presidential hopefuls, along with all the issues and their views... maybe part of it has been realizing that our current president is perhaps a great fellow but a really, REALLY horrible president. I find that the more things I know about his administration the more scared I am that he still has a year and a half to lead America.... yikes! I have also found that many of the issues that bothered me on so many levels are also important to many Americans, and that if we could just elect a leader who believed in them, too, then we could maybe fix this giant mess.

And I think that perhaps, just PERHAPS, there is someone. There may be an answer for America, instead of military tribunals and illegal extraditions, instead of torture and wiretapping and tax cuts for the wealthy- instead of going to war with the entire Middle East- maybe there is a candidate who has a real relationship with Jesus, who cares for the poor, who cares about immigrants, who cares about the environment, who will evacuate Iraq, who is rational and fairminded and has a knack for bipartianship... perhaps Barack Obama is the answer.

Spanx

While discussing something totally unrelated at work, I found out about spanx. These new hot undergarments are set to silence anxious party-goers minds about unwanted lines and cellulite. Check it out!

Being Settled

I moved the first of six times last July 17th. It was moving all my stuff back to Oklahoma from Texas. I had only been there two weeks when when I moved to Holly’s house in another country for two weeks. Then I moved to my team leader’s house in Afghanistan for two weeks, then I moved to Dr. H’s house for three months. Then I went to Dubai for a week, and moved back to my mom’s in Oklahoma for four months, then finally moved into my apartment 2 months ago.

Part of all this moving was, in the last eleven months, having fourteen different roommates. This was an amazing glimpse into human nature that taught me a considerable amount about flexibility. I think I have become one of the most adaptable persons in the whole world.

No matter how little you bring with you, living in someone else’s house brings with it all kinds of crazy things. There are the wonderful things- like learning how to cook delicious foods from your roommates or getting to live in a house with a fishpond and a swimming pool for free. And then there are the really hard things, like waking up to find out that breakfast is served- and its rice and sardines. Or the strain between being a single person and having a separate life while you are living with a family.

I think the main thing I am thankful for now, is that I don’t believe the Lord will ever give me the *opportunity* to experience all that ever again. As thankful as I am for the insight and maturity it brought, it feels so good to be settled! So good.

Today is June 1st, 2007. And it is six months to day that I left Afghanistan.

Blood Diamond and Hotel Rwanda

Don't read this post if you haven't seen the movies and want to.

Blood Diamond was an amazing movie. More than anything I've seen before, this movie reminded me of what it is like to live in a place where, instead of bling-bling, its "bling-bang," as Leonardo DiCaprio put it so succinctly. Not that Kandahar was anything like Sierra Leone- it was nowhere near that scale of violence and bloodshed. But watching the movie transported me back to a place where human crises are happening on a totally different scale than America. There's a part in the movie where the rebels take over Freetown, shooting, looting, and burning everything. Forcing child soldiers to shoot up drugs after they kill women and other children. And then I remember my day today.

Strangely enough, there was some twisted comfort for me in realizing that Afghanistan is not the worst place on earth to be. There are still places in Africa that are much worse, where things a thousand times more horrible are happening.

And a week after watching Blood Diamond, I watched Hotel Rwanda. Now, if you have avoided Hotel Rwanda thinking it might be a little too intense for you, just watch Blood Diamond first. It will sort of numb you to the atrocity.

And isn't that what many of us are searching for? We don't want to feel guilty after seeing a movie like that, so many of us aren't watching those movies and documentaries. Like me, who refuses to watch Invisible Children and then go buy a twenty dollar pair of shoes. There's just a level of horrific pain that is much easier to pretend does not exist and buy the shoes.

And this is my huge struggle in life right now. After seeing everything I saw last fall, and movies like Hotel Rwanda and Blood Diamond, how do I come back and live in a place like America without being guilty?

And I mean that, exactly. Not without feeling guilty: without being guilty.

That Old Itching Feeling...

Its coming back... that old itching feeling to get out of the United States.

I have been trying and trying to suppress it. But after eight years of leaving the country once a year or more, I am about to go crazy!! "Its May and so it is OBVIOUSLY time to plan a trip somewhere, right???!!?" My mind won't quit asking this question. I am trying to tell her no over and over again but this crazy lady keeps bringing me back to websites like cheapoair.com and lonely planet.

Don't even mention to her that she probably won't be leaving for FOUR years. That would make her really mad.

A Little Wedding Music

I have decided to start a business. After being self-employed for a year and a half (in the eyes of the government, anyway) I realized recently that it would be really easy for me to go back to being self-employed again and start a business on the side as a wedding violinist.

After all, 14 years of private classical instruction shouldn't go to waste and I have played hundreds of concerts and events, including professional violin playing for weddings and funerals.

I will still be a receptionist, though. Receptionist by day, violinist by night. Well, hopefully. Who knows what kind of market there is in the OKC area for wedding musicians? I wonder if there is anyone else on the planet who makes ten dollars an hour at one job and a hundred dollars an hour at their other job?

Snippets on Iran (According to the BBC)

On Anti-Semitism

Although Iran and Israel are bitter enemies, few know that Iran is home to the largest number of Jews anywhere in the Middle East outside Israel. There are approximately 25,000 Iranian Jews whose cultural roots in Iran go back 3,000 years.

On US-Iran Relations

“In Russia, they eat ice cream in the winter because its warmer than the air.” (Iranian Foreign Minister, responding to Condolezza Rice’s niceties in Egypt last week)

On the President

“They held portraits of Mr Ahmadinejad upside down to mock him and then set them on fire.” (BBC reporting on a recent student protest against Iran’s president at Tehran’s largest university)

On Women

“[The moral police] are stopping pedestrians and even cars - warning female drivers not to show any hair - and impounding the vehicles and arresting the women if they argue back.” (BBC reporting on a recent Iranian crackdown on women’s dress)

On Cosmetic Surgery

Since the revolution in 1979, Iran has become one of the world's leading centres for cosmetic surgery with three thousand plastic surgeons operating in Tehran alone. Dr Navab explains that some of his patients are indeed congenitally ugly…

On Public Opinion

"I want the whole world to know that they oppress us and all we can do is put up with it." (15 year old Iranian citizen Tofiq)

*go to BBC Middle East for a more complete look at what’s going on in Iran, as this is skewed :)