Spring Camping

The job has been going well and I've been getting lots of stuff for the apartment. Its kind of fun buying things but its really weird to go from owning practically nothing to owning lots of things. Since I am going to wait and reapply to school, and hopefully get in next year, I'll be in the States for probably five years and it makes sense to get these things now.

But without a roommate who owns things, you have to actually buy them. They seem really unimportant but... well, without an iron, all your clothes are wrinkled. Without towels, you have to air dry. Without glasses, you have to drink from the faucet. The list goes on and on of why all these 'things' really save time and hassle, and we do actually own them for reasons. (Just kidding about the faucet.)

I'm going camping today. The leaves are only tiny once a year and I'm off to enjoy them... enjoy your spring too. From a friend's letter-

"A good year is determined by its spring."

Bahama Breeze

Well, I bypassed all those other professions and decided to work somewhere a degree will not come in handy. Sorry that your votes are obsolete. This time its Caribbean food and drink... I got a job at Bahama Breeze. This week has been crazy busy with orientation. I am not super excited at the prospect of going to bed at 2am four nights a week, but its a profitable job and hopefully I won't be there a long time. As soon as someone else calls and wants to pay me more to do something less physically draining, I'm out. This is NOT normally the way I roll but at the time I applied for this job, I realized it might be awhile before the more serious jobs called and I was bored after not working for three months.

Plus, there are a ton of young, crazy people there. That's fun compared to working in a lab... at least hopefully it will be for awhile.

On a different note, I also got a car and have been buying furniture. I'll have a party after moving in... evites to come.

When having a degree in biology comes in handy...

Now that the time has also come to get a real job, its funny to sit down, look at the options, and decide what I want to do. I have been looking, and here are my choices:

-Laboratory Clinician
-Agriculturist
-Park Ranger
-Zookeeper
-Environmental Advisor
-Criminalist (like in CSI)

Please, if you have a vote, let it be known in the comment box. All comments will be put into consideration.

Moving Out

Today, the apartments called to let me know... they have an opening for me! Yay!!

I thought I would be on the waiting list when I applied to get an apartment since nothing was open, and I had no idea how long it would be. Somehow, a one bedroom opened up and I can move in anytime after March 27th.

*angels sing*

Its not that living at home is bad. Its that I haven't been settled in my own place for the last two years. So its a very settling feeling to have your own space and I'm excited about that.

Nicaragua

The view from Mumbacho Volcano

Another of Nicaragua's many volcanoes

Me & our great translators, Angel & Oscar

Nadiya, Jasmina, Mike, & Dr. Katherine from Colombia at the clinic at Las Pilas

No, Mr. Immigration officer. We were not on a goat farm.

Two sweet girls from Las Pilas

Rafa & I- reunited in a foreign country after more than 2 years!!

Mercedes: the little girl I fell in love with.

Into Each Life, a Little Rain Must Fall.

And a little wait must come. I found out that I didn't get into PA school this summer. So, I am going to reapply in October. For now I'm going to really enjoy Nicaragua and think about what to do when I get back.

A friend of mine from college, upon finding out he hadn't been accepted for medical school, once told me, "I'm not going to let 365 days keep me from being a doctor." And I have much the same intention about being a PA. I am a very patient person.

News Flash: For anyone located in the town of Edmond, Oklahoma, Steve Logan is going to host a time for me to talk about Afghanistan at 7:00pm on Saturday, February 17th at his house. If you are interested please come. If you need directions, call or email me.

I'll be back from Nicaragua on February 11th. See you soon..

US Military: Afghan Leaders Steal Half of All Aid

Sunday Telegraph (UK)January 28, 2007

Corrupt police and tribal leaders are stealing vast quantities of reconstruction aid that is intended to improve the lives of ordinary Afghans and turn them away from the Taliban, The Sunday Telegraph has learnt.

In some cases, all the aid earmarked for an area has ended up in the wrong hands. Defence officials in the United States and Britain estimate that up to half of all aid in Afghanistan is failing to reach the right people.

Nato forces in the south of the country say some Afghan police are guilty of corruption and will steal aid if it is handed out. Tribal and mosque elders have also been accused of seizing goods, including building materials and fuel, and selling them in markets. A Pentagon official said thousands of cars and trucks intended for use by the Afghan police had been sold instead.

Nato commanders in southern Afghanistan are deeply concerned at the level of corruption but have resolved to press ahead with reconstruction projects in the hope of winning over the local population and improving security.

In one recent example in Kandahar province, aid distribution went ahead despite fears that it would be stolen. Sergeant Major Denis Tondreau, in charge of delivering Canadian army aid to the Pashmul area, said the Afghan police unit in one village was known for corruption and extortion. "I have been told that if I bring aid to Pasab the police will steal it," he said. "They are just a bad, bad unit… extortion, corruption and use of drugs."

But people in the area said tribal and mosque elders were also guilty of stealing aid. In the nearby town of Panjwaii, workers said aid distributed by Nato's provincial reconstruction teams had not reached the ordinary people.

Abdul Ghany, 20, said: "When the soldiers came here they gave things to the rich people. The elders took things for themselves and we received nothing."

Noor Ullah, a police intelligence officer in the neighbouring Zharey district, said tribal leaders had to be persuaded that the aid was not intended for them alone. At a heated meeting he warned them: "The equipment is not to rebuild your own homes, it is for the mosques and the whole village. It is not for individuals, it is for the community. It is not for you to take and sell it."

A joint report by the Pentagon and the US state department, circulated to congressional committees last month, concluded that the Afghan police force was corrupt to the point of ineffectiveness. One Pentagon official told The Sunday Telegraph that police officers had stolen and sold at least half of the equipment supplied by the US, including thousands of cars and trucks.

Surprise! You are leaving the country again.

-God

Umm... I'm going to Nicaragua next week. Like Mama always said, "Life is like a..." (you know the rest). As I can now testify, you never know when you're gonna get more plane rides, cute children, and chances to love people who speak a language that you don't understand.

War and the Soul

I am reading a really interesting book called War and the Soul. It is about how war affects people and what happens to soldiers and civilians after living through traumatic experiences associated with war. The author has counseled and heard stories from vets and survivors from most of the 55 civil wars that have taken place since 1990 and all other major wars all the way back to World War I.

Stress, in war time situations, is actually just fear or terror. When a person experiences a continual state of fear or terror, eventually something inside that person shuts down to keep from being overwhelmed and to continue being able to function. You can call it a soul that flees, or whatever, but it will probably result in that person not feeling or turning that part of themselves on again for awhile. It may also seem that the person is extremely courageous or fearless. Actually it is that the person has been so scared they no longer allow themselves to feel fear.

I thought for a long time I was just stressed out in Afghanistan- now I realize that I was terrified. Its good to call it like it is.

I read while I was there that "fear is excitement without breath." People with an addiction to excitement are usually drawn to dangerous situations, which is maybe why I went in the first place. The downside is that now, I've been so scared, so surprised, so angry, so sad, I've turned that ability to feel off. I know this because I go through every day completely fine- until I have to meet with a good friend for pastoral counseling. And then it is like a pent-up flood of emotions let loose. But I'm not pretending all day. I just don't choose to feel it until I walk into his office.

And I've realized that this happens to lots, and lots, and lots of people. They are so hurt, so disappointed, saddened, or angered by life that they choose to stop feeling and become a shadow of who they were. They are in denial. They laugh about nothing, and are also truly happy about nothing. They are always "fine." Nothing now can move them deeply, either beauty or sorrow. The on/off switch is permanently off.

This is what I wish to avoid. I'm trying to turn it back on.

Lovely Oklahoma

The Great Sledding Adventure of 2007

Since Ice Storm 2007 is nearly over, I'd better get this in before it is 70 degrees again outside.

After three days of stir-craziness inside the walls of my house, on Sunday afternoon Summer and I went sledding. There's a lake in her addition with very small hills on two sides. We walked out there and all we had (even after a search at Wal-mart for a sled) was a laundry basket.

Although the hill was small, you got going pretty fast and by the bottom, Summer first made the mistake of leaning forward in the laundry basket to stabilize herself. Unfortunately this led to her, face-down in the snow at the bottom of the hill, silent and not moving. Which led to me running down the hill yelling, "Suuuuuuuuu--mmmmmmm---eeeeerrrrrrr!!!". Although, actually I was trying to be funny because I thought she was faking. But by the time I got to the bottom and rolled her over, she wasn't breathing and so, quite freaked out, I started to do CPR.

At this point I was really scared. I hadn't even had a CPR class since girl scouts in the 90's and couldn't really remember if I was doing it right. I stopped for a second to reach into my coat and call 911 when she took a breath and suddenly sat up. Oh my goodness... I have never been more relieved in my life. I was crying and she said, "That really knocked the wind out of me! I can't believe you just saved my life."

I can't believe I saved someone's life either.

And actually, you shouldn't either, because this is not a true story. Here's what really happened: (ha ha ha... will you ever believe a story I write again?)

Although the hill was small, you got going pretty fast and by the bottom, Summer first made the mistake of leaning forward in the laundry basket to stabilize herself. Unfortunately, this led to her, face-down in the snow at the bottom of the hill, silent and not moving. Which led to me running down the hill yelling, "Suuuuuuuu-mmmmmmm-eeeeerrrrrr!!!". Although, actually I was trying to be funny because I thought she was faking. But by the time I got to the bottom and rolled her over, she sort of laughed but said that it really hurt and knocked the wind out of her. Then we kept sledding.

But later three boys came out and were playing on the ice of the lake which was not very thick. Summer and I were discussing how crappy it would be if one of them fell in, because we were the only ones around and we would have to jump in and save them. So Summer yelled out, "Hey, if you fall in, we're not gonna save you! We're just going to tell your parents!" We turned around and were talking again and when we turned back around, one of them had really fallen in. Now we were so surprised we didn't know what to do. Summer was hesitating, so I ran over to the edge, carefully laid down, and scooted over to the ice hole where he was splashing around. I grabbed his jacket and pulled him out of the freezing water. Luckily, Summer and I had brought some extra clothes in case we got cold, which we wrapped him in, and then we took turns carrying him home on our backs.

What? Don't you believe me?

Ok, maybe this is really what happened...

Summer and I were discussing how crappy it would be if one of them fell in, because we were the only ones around and we would have to jump in and save them. So Summer yelled out, "Hey, if you fall in, we're not gonna save you! We're just going to tell your parents!" We turned around and were talking again, and when we turned back around, one of them had really fallen in. Luckily for him, that part of the lake was about a foot deep and he just soaked his foot in extremely cold water and then they all ran home.

So fortunately, no one had to save anyone else's life that day. It was just another ordinary day of sledding. But in case you don't believe the story about the boy who fell in...

A Tribute

I absolutely love surprises. Only someone like my mom, Summer, or Tara knows this.

When I was traveling back from overseas, a lot was going on and after months of being cooped up, caged up, restricted, kept in, etc… one of the things I was really looking forwarrd to was to go have some fun on my birthday, which was eight days after my arrival back in Oklahoma. And since Summer and Tara *know* that I love surprises, they planned a whole weekend of 24th birthday fun for me.

Which included (but was not limited to) sleepovers, dinner, ice-skating, brownies with candles, a hotel, games, a birthday song (not the happy birthday song, either), even a gingerbread house craft… and they wrote and illustrated a BOOK for me! I have to hand it to them for being the best friends ever.

Thanks a lot girls… you remind me how much I have to be thankful for.

A Totally Normal and Nondescript Life

Nondescript (adj.): unremarkable, ordinary, unexceptional, dull, uninteresting, commonplace, plain


That is exactly where I am at right now. I spend all day reading books, and being with my family, and sometimes friends. Yesterday I left the house and ran errands and it was an exciting day. So that's why updates on my blog haven't been frequent- 1) I am still sorting through stories and pictures from last fall to post 2) You probably aren't that interested in yesterday's last minute run to the post office or its exciting climax when I got there before the mail was picked up.

Success

The interview is over!

I did my best yesterday. And that's all a girl can do. I felt really good about it and wasn't nervous because my interviewers were really nice and made me feel very comfortable. Ashlie and I practiced all my answers about a thousand times and then they didn't ask those questions.

The girl sitting next to me, waiting to be interviewed, is a professional sprinter, holds the 5th place world record for the 200 meter dash and competed in the Olympic trials. It made me think about two things. 1) There is some tough competition. 2) If I do end up getting into PA school, I'm going to make lifelong friends with some really determined and amazing people and that makes me excited.

Now onto last few months of waiting.

NATO Laments Afghan Civilian Dead

BBC News / Wednesday, 3 January 2007

Nato has said its biggest mistake in Afghanistan in 2006 was killing innocent civilians.

A spokesman for the Nato-led force, said efforts were under way to reduce civilian deaths in military operations.

But he said Nato had killed far fewer people last year than the Taleban, who launched more than 100 suicide attacks.

President Hamid Karzai cried last month as he spoke of his inability to stop militant attacks and coalition forces "killing our children".

He has come under growing pressure over civilian deaths as violence has raged across the south and east. Bloodshed in Afghanistan last year returned to levels not seen since the fall of the Taleban in 2001.

Silence

I close my eyes tonight and its silent. No bombs go off and none are going to. I probably won't hear any choppers flying low overhead, either. I think of my friends who are back there and wonder what they will hear when nightfall comes for them.

Something I found really strange, after arriving in Afghanistan, was that the news media- concerned mostly with Iraq- had not really been reporting exactly what was going on in southern Afghanistan. And I read it daily. They did report that Operation Mountain Thrust had begun, but few details were given. Perhaps because not many reporters were there. But anyone living in southern Afgh at that time realized that the major military operation meant nightly battles and bombing just outside the city in a district called Panjaway, that were killing "insurgents." Or civilians.

A few days ago I read an account on http://www.aopnews.com (in my opinion, the best site for almost current, daily news on Afgh). It was written by a Canadian soldier and was about a battle he took part in on the Afghan Independence day last August 19th. We heard the gunfire that night but had no idea about what was really happening. It saddened me to hear him write that 120-130 Afghans had been killed by the ISAF troops that night... just after I went to Sehar's birthday party and we walked back to watch the fireworks.

What bothered me the most, and still does, is that our military has not really accounted for proving that who they kill in southern Afghanistan are really insurgents or not. If they don't know, they just put "suspected insurgents" in the report and get on with it. In this way it seems they can get away with civilian deaths much easier. But in a country where poverty and warlords are forcing villagers to choose sides, sometimes saying you choose the Taliban means life or food, whether you care whose 'side' you are on or not. It saddens me to realize that maybe in the midst of all the chaos we are just killing Afghan people.

It really confuses me why we don't redirect the billions of dollars that are being wasted by shamefully corrupt officials or spent on reconstruction (when the schools in the south are being burned back down or closed again) just toward trying to pay the Afghan National Army more than the Taliban pay fighters to join them. Because the Afghans who are trying to support the legitimate government and do actually join the Afghan military make a shamefully small salary. Rumor is, after all, the main reason villagers join the Taliban is the pay. But I'm not a military expert so I hope that the UN or USAID has some great answer for that I haven't thought of yet.

I think that's it for tonight.

Hark! Is that the phone ringing?

The PA school called me this morning!

And set up an interview for January 8th, 2007, at 1:00pm.

So, if you wanted to hang out the afternoon of January 8th, 2007, I'm really sorry I have other plans that afternoon. But they happen to be the only plans I have for the next seven months. So that should make finding another time to hang out fairly easy.

Home

Hey! I am back in Oklahoma, yea! All was safe. Feel free to call me, my number is still the same Texas one for awhile. But maybe wait a couple days, I got a nasty cold and sore throat on the way home and its a little painful to talk. Can't wait to see you!!

Something Beautiful

There's something very different about my last place of residence and the UAE. And it is called money.

It is so weird that a bunch of slimy black gunk, made from the remains of dead things, is the difference between absolute poverty and sickening opulence in the world.

I have been in Dubai for four days now and everywhere I look, there is something beautiful. A beautiful shopping mall. A beautiful fountain. A street lined with green grass. A cityscaped row of skyscrapers. A palm tree. The Persian Gulf. The Arabian night. A Baskin Robbins.

Invariably, no matter to what you lift your eyes here, you will see something beautiful. You have to search for the ugly. In this respect I am grateful for the change from Afghanistan.

But the most beautiful thing I have seen here was something I couldn't touch. It was the huge expanse of ocean, with the sun setting over it. Something I will never take for granted to see again.

Something funny- 70% of the taxi drivers in Dubai are from Afghanistan or Pakistan. And almost all of these speak Pashto. So I have had the utter delight of getting to talk to all but one of my drivers in Pashto. And I thought my chances to practice were over. But the number of languages you hear here is insane. At the mall yesterday, I heard English, Chinese, Farsi, Japanese, Russian, Arabic, Spanish, French, Swedish, and all within five minutes of each other, just sitting there listening as people walked by. Crazy malls.

One thing I have realized: if you are going to go to Dubai for a whole week, by the fourth day it will be much more fun with a friend or family. Although it is REALLY fun to stay at a guest house where you meet people from all over the world, going all over the world. I met a family from New Zealand, headed to Uganda. A couple from Djibouti, headed to Texas. Sisters from London, headed to Afghanistan. People from Afghanistan, headed all over the world.

I have really enjoyed getting some alone time, but now I am definitely ready to see all of you. My plane leaves tomorrow... hee hee!

Until Next Time, Afghanistan

My days here are numbered. Its time to say... until next time. I will be leaving southern Afghanistan in three days, and will spend a little over a week traveling to Dubai and Oman, before I arrive back in the States on December 7th. I will post from the beautiful Arabian penninsula if I have a chance. But I may be too busy enjoying the unobstructed view.

Afghanistan I have loved, Afghanistan I have hated. There have been many hard things about living here and so many beautiful things. I have to say that I'm excited to go back to a country that is at peace. At least on their side of the ocean. And I am so excited to see all of you! But its hard to leave when there's so much left to do. Some of the friends I have here I don't feel ready to leave. I am comforting myself with the thought of coming back some day. (And the inexpressible joy that bubbles up at the thought of returning to modern life is a little hard to suppress, too.)

I think this is the definition of mixed feelings. So much to look forward to and so much to miss. Until next time...