Since I Am a Slave of a Certain Institution of Higher Education 11 months Out of the Year...

I am making two trips over the break. I leave Tuesday, Dec. 18th for Iowa and will be there until Sunday, Dec. 23rd. I am also going to Utah to visit Keri and Cody Dougless from Monday, Dec. 31st to Wednesday, January 9th.

Oh, The Lovely Goodness!

There is just something GOOD about working hard and being DONE. As Nacho would say, "Really good." !!

I had a long list of all the things I needed to do over the break. And the crazy thing is that I got about 60% of them done just today!! It is AMAZING what a day off will do for your stress level!!!

I also realized that means it really doesn't take that long to do all those little things that bug you and make you feel more stressed out than you really are. So, hopefully they won't contribute so much stress in the future.

The only things left I really need to do over the break are, in no particular order:

1.) Spay my cat
2.) Visit family in Iowa
3.) Write a bestseller
4.) Visit Keri and snowboard in Utah
5.) Watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy 3 or 4 times
6.) Memorize the complete physical exam

Yay!! Number three is in case there's a lot of spare time. Number 5 is not.

Riddle

What do the movie, "Mutiny on the Bounty" and Tara's blog, drawingontheceiling.blogspot.com, have in common?

The winner of this riddle will get a can of hominy, as soon as Summer pays up what she owes.

Updates from the Grave

I am dead to the world for the next 12 days- until school gets out on the 14th of December. But, here are some updates from the OU health science center graveyard. I mean library.

1.) I have a new kitten!!! Her name is Sehar and she is a super cute little orange tiger.

2.) I am moving to Oklahoma City!! Woo HOO! This is one I am incredibly excited about because it will mean I will save an hour of driving back and forth to Edmond every day. Since we don't go on rotations until ten months after school starts in January, this move will save me over 200 hours of driving! I will be moving into Deep Deuce on January 10th, right after I get back from Utah and before school starts.

3.) I have a new boyfriend!! Hahahaha. Just kidding.

4.) My 25th birthday is the DAY AFTER school gets out! This is going to be the best Christmas break EVER.

5.) I have to study a lot until our last final is over so please be praying for a good end to the semester! See you SOON!

Alternative Source of Reading

Things have been hectic here and, despite wildly optimistic imaginings, I don't think the last month of school is going to let up any. So instead of actually posting new information, I'm putting my old blog address up here for those who might not have known about it. It has pictures from my first trip to Afghanistan, as well as the stories of how the Afghan ESL class started in Fort Worth, life in Texas, and- of course- some really crazy dreams.

placidstreamlet.blogspot.com

Cast it into the fire!

Do you remember the scene, at the end of the third Lord of the Rings, right after Gollum has bitten the ring off Frodo's finger, fallen into the Crack of Doom, and finally destroyed the Ring? After Frodo and Sam make haste to escape from the mountain before it explodes into the fiery river of ash and lava? Do you remember what Frodo says to Sam when they reach the tiny rock that harbors them until the eagles come?

"ITS GONE. ITS DONE!"

Sitting on that rock; panting, exhausted, near collapsing, and- so darn relieved- Frodo is finally FINISHED with his impossible monstrosity of a task.

And right now, I feel just like him in that moment. Ahhh... the relief is inexpressible. But, for me it was just passing a cardiology test; I was not so fortunate as to have rid the Earth of Evil Forever today. Although apart from the Dark Lord, the Ring, and the end of the world, it was pretty much the same. Though, no one tried to bite off my fingers to take my pencil. Maybe the PA program could add that in... fifty tests, and only twenty-five pencils. Who will pass this clinical medicine test, and who will go home with just nine fingers?? Find out in Spring 2008!

I am deliriously tired and going to bed.

Zalia

Last week, we had a big physiology test on Friday. On Thursday morning, they told us that class was cancelled that afternoon, but that our class had to provide 3 volunteers to read books to children at a health fair. Since I thought we were going to have class, and had already studied a lot, I volunteered to go.

We showed up at the City Rescue Mission around 3pm. There were many unique characters loitering outside who all felt it was imperative to talk to us on the way in. I made a mental note to dress in a gigantic purple sweater with a cartoon charater on the front, cross my eyes, and look as crazy as a bat the next time I go there.

We walked inside and were escorted to our table. The PA charity coordinator for the 2nd year students had applied for, and received, a grant for 600 medical children's books. There were such classics as (Macs can't italize on blogger) Clifford Goes to the Hospital and The Magic Schoolbus. Our plan was to read the books to the children to encourage literacy and then let them take them home.

Unfortunately, there were not very many children at the Health Fair. We had around 10 come by to receive books. Only one, however, wanted to be read to. Her name was Zalia.

She picked out the Magic Schoolbus and we started to read. She was 6, and learning to read in school. I soon realized that The Magic Schoolbus was a bit over her level. Leukocytes, chyme, and villi were things I didn't learn about until college, so it didn't seem necessary to go into all the details or to read the book word for word to her. Let's just say we ended up skipping a lot and its surprising the book made sense in the end after all the alterations.

Well, one thing she did learn. At the end of the book, there's a diagram of the human body with most of the organs labeled. We didn't go into all of it, but I did end up explaining the lungs to her, and why we breathe in air. Although it was a fairly long explanation, she was very smart and really got it.

As we finished, she unexpectedly piped up, "You know my friend Charlise smokes cigarettes and she is only 4."

This was an unexpected statement, but oddly enough, we'd just gone through the mechanics of the respiratory system. So, regardless of whether she was telling the truth or not, it was the perfect opportunity to really explain to her what cigarettes do and why we don't smoke. How the nice pink lung tissue turns black and doesn't work anymore, and eventually can kill people. I think at the end, she really got it. "So that's why my dad is always coughing and going to the hospital, huh?" she ruminated.

I then couldn't resist. "So what do you NEVER do?"

"Smoke cigarettes!" she said enthusiastically and we high-fived. With the possibility that she had seen people doing drugs on my mind, I had just one more question for her.

"And what else do you never do, Zalia?"

"Say cuss words or give people the middle finger." I had to smile. Okay, that too.

Summary of My Life.

PTL Pulmonology is Over.

Approximately 10-14 days before, I can feel it. The pressure starts to build. Without beginning serious study on that day, all hope it lost. How do I know this? Here is a short two test history for you:

GI: Serious isolationism begun 2 weeks before the test. Total approximate hours outside of class studied: 60. Score: 88.

Pulm: Serious isolationism begun 1.5 weeks before the test. TAHOOCS: 45. Score: You don't even want to know. Hopefully she will give us at least two points back and I can get a low B.

And you should know that we don't get the information until a little over 2 weeks from the test. Sometimes less.

There is something about this that just drives anal people like me crazy. Something about giving up almost all social contact and not even making a B on the test!!! Something about... NOT BEING ABLE TO MAKE AN A! aHHHH!! I can't really isolate myself any more. So it looks like I will be a B student and that is a hard pill to take.

Do you want to know what the saddest part of it all is. We have three more tests in the next ten days.

But the good part is that when those are over, it won't be as stressful for awhile. Hmm. I think I have been saying that to myself every time. Hmm.

So now you know why you don't hear from me ever. December! December, my friend, will be a great month. A fantastic month. A month full of wonder and happiness and beauty. Yes, it will be a month to outdo all other months. I will spend all of December in warm, sugary joy with all of you!

A Beautiful Thing

So last night I went to an orchestra concert for the first time in years. It was totally surreal. I am so thankful, looking back, for the opportunity my parents gave me way back when to learn an instrument and be involved in such an amazing thing. I also thought about a few other things...

My parents were amazing. They really dealt out a lot of cash for me to take private lessons, play in contests, quartets, three different orchestras at the same time, uniforms, music, strings, upkeep, etc. What I got in return is priceless and I am so thankful they realized the value of their investment back when I was just eleven years old.

My parents also almost never missed concerts. Considering we had them all the time for twelve or thirteen years that is pretty amazing. I remember them always sitting as close as possible and videotaping every single one I ever played in. They were amazingly supportive.

You can't go back. I realized last night, watching them play, that the orchestras I remember will never exist again. All my friends, old conductors, even my ability to play those things are all either gone or have diminished. Its a little sad because I love playing in a full orchestra almost more than doing anything else on earth. There's no way to describe the feeling of playing a symphony in perfect unison with sixty other people. One that I think of in particular is Jupiter from Holst's The Planets. Some rare, indescribably joyful and beautiful feeling rises up within you during the main theme that makes you want to cry and kiss and scream and never stop playing it all at the same time.

I am really looking forward to getting out of grad school because I am definitely going to try and find another orchestra to play in. You can't go back, but you can go ahead.

Medical Nightmare Victims Awareness Association

We hear all kinds of crazy stories, pretty much daily now, of medical nightmares. Things you would not want to happen to your dog. Things that should definitely never happen to living human beings. I don't know if an association like the one above exists or not, but if one does, I think I should get to be an honorary member.

Everyone knows I have crazy dreams almost every night. Now, I cannot believe I didn't see this coming. I have started experiencing some medical nightmares of my own during the noctural hours. They are insane! I've started dreaming of procedures we learned about in class that day...being done on ME! But they have these horrible twists, like instead of medical instruments the PAs or nurses will be using broken pieces of glass... or they refuse to intubate me when I am suffocating and I wake up gasping for air. And these dreams are SO REAL.

I had one, early on in anatomy, the day we dissected the heart. In class, I had to wash the blood out of the heart and it took a long time so I think the visual of that human heart in my hands got lodged in my unconscious. That night I dreamed I had elective open heart surgery... to dissect my own heart while I was conscious.

OH. This cannot go on. The people these things happen to in real life get a blank check from the hospital. I'm getting nothing. My only compensation is the flood of relief that comes when I realize all my vital organs are still in working order. Where, oh where, is the MNVAA??

My Niece

Hey everyone, my niece Kiersten was hit by a car last Friday and snapped her femur in half. She was extremely lucky because that's all that happened. They did surgery Friday night and put a metal plate in it. She'll be in the hospital until Monday (the dates on my blog are messed up- today isn't Monday.) Please be praying for her and her family. We are so relieved that she will be fine.

Hasta la Vista, GI

We just finished our section on gastroenterology. I am so relieved!! The weekend after our clinical medicine tests are like a little piece of heaven. We start pulmonology on Monday.

Everything is going pretty good. We have a month off for Christmas break and I just booked a trip to Salt Lake City to visit a good friend who is living out there. I can't wait!

Right now I am just enjoying being in school and still spend my study breaks reading the news as is apparent on the next post. I probably need to find something else to do.

We have met the enemy, and he is us.

I cried reading the new all week. Why do we want to start wars with nations that haven't attacked us?

I feel strongly about the prejudice some Americans have for Iran because it is exactly that: blind prejudice. Have you read some of the comments on NYT articles lately? I was ashamed. Ahmadinejad doesn't have blond hair; he looks like the Arabs who committed 9/11. And our Zionist president has labeled him on an "axis of evil" that, interestingly, other world leaders we respect less are NOT on. After all, why aren't Sudanese militia leaders on that list? Or Mugabe? Or anyone else who has caused intense suffering in Africa? Hmm..

I'm not saying Iran is innocent. No nation is. But like Iraq, they had nothing to do with 9/11. The real terrorists in 9/11 were Saudi Arabians, who are ARABS. Iranian people are Persian. They are an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ETHNIC GROUP. They just look alike and live near each other. Not a good reason to attack them.

The CIA did a special report and concluded that is it, in fact, not proven that Ahmadinejad had anything to do with the American hostage crisis thirty years ago.

Iran was attacked by Saddam Hussein and underwent a very long and painful war in the 80's during which they were repeatedly the victims of chemical warfare. The religious head of Iran condemned this type of warfare and Iran NEVER USED chemical warfare back on moral grounds. They don't believe in using chemical (or nuclear) weapons. Reagan's administration, however, knew about the chemical warfare being used against Iranian civilians and continued to support Iraq militarily.

Countless teenage Iranian soldiers sacrificed themselves in human wave attacks- knowingly walking onto land planted with mines in order to clear it for the trained Iranian army to cross over.

Iran is building schools and clinics in the city I lived in last fall. They are also responsible for a ton of power and roads in Afghanistan. They are doing really good things for their poor neighbor in the fight against terrorism and the Taliban. Hamid Karzai himself has declared this over and over and Bush has had to belittle Afghanistan's president to try and deny it.

America has destroyed Iraq and we really need a scapegoat; so the administration is claiming that Iran is behind a bunch of attacks in Iraq. This is COMPLETE crap. I hope we don't attack a second nation that has absolutely nothing to do with Al Qaeda and destroy the lives of millions of ordinary citizens. Once was too much.

God save Iran from us.

Medicine, you have a place in my heart after all.

I realized, a few days ago, something really strange. I spent 16 months preparing and applying to a medical program AND... I never, ever thought through what medicine actually is or what it would mean to practice it. Hmm.

This is possibly the strangest realization of my life. I really spent countless hours on something that I didn't think through. I made a decision about my LIFE OCCUPATION based on zero logical thought processes. I mean, I knew I liked science but science doesn't have that much to do with medicine; I certainly never sat down and thought about intubating babies, writing prescriptions, or doing emergency tracheotomies.

It probably would have helped if the words "medical practice" had crossed my mind. But the real reason I never asked myself if I liked medicine was because I just believed that God wanted me to go to PA school. And figured that it had something to do with helping poor people in the end.

But now, I find myself sitting in our classes, LOVING learning about pathologies and treatments. I get really, really, really excited thinking about rotations and diagnosing patients and healing people. These things are making me so excited for the future!

And so I realize, on a deeper level than ever, that God truly knows me better than I know myself. He is the one who guided me into a profession he knew I would love. I entrusted my whole life to Him, and He led me to something that He knew would bring me deep satisfaction and fulfillment. And honestly, though I should have thought it through, God didn't need me to. That's how it is with the Lord; if you think it through, it will probably make sense in the end, if not in the beginning; but you really can just trust Him.

Dreams

Sometimes it really sucks to wake up in the morning. This last week, for me, its had little to do with sleepiness. I keep having these really intense, hope-I-can-sleep-a-little-longer-to-find-out-what-happens kind of dreams. Here are some synopses from the last few nights:

I wake up one morning and a friend of mine has died and left me her tiny, newborn, still pink-faced infant. The thing is so tiny I have no idea how I'm going to feed it, find it daycare, and still be on time to class at 8 a.m.

My dad convinces me to cut off my feet for an experiment and tells me it will be easy to get them back on. We do, and it doesn't hurt, and it isn't until the next day when I am trying to hobble around on stumps that I have the horrible realization that he was wrong, and its permanent, and WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT FEET?!!

Some friends from PA school and I are lost in Middle Earth. We can see the Misty Mountains but we have no idea where we are exactly or how to get to Gondor and out of the grasp of the Dark Lord... until we find the Robert L. Byrd library, look on a map, and realize that we are in Osgiliath.

I am somewhere off the coast of South America. Probably Ecuador. A good old friend and I join up with some strangers and a hoary old captain and skipper a small boat across the Pacific. Halfway through the voyage, we realize that the old captain hasn't come out of his cabin for a couple weeks and is probably dead. My friend goes in to check and...

Some lady from Blue Cross Blue Shield called and woke me up! It appears that one will remain a mystery for now. But sometimes I dream the same dream later and finish it, so if I find out what happens I'll let you know.

Those things are HUGE!

So, I have always had a hard time smelling things. I never knew why until last week. We were doing ENT (ear, nose and throat) exams on each other when the girl who was looking up my nose said, "I think you have nasal polyps!" So we get the instructor to come over, and sure enough, I have two huge, very anteriorly-located nasal polyps- one in each nostril.

So nasal polyps cause anosmia, or a decreased sense of smell. I feel so vindicated!! My lack of smell is indeed a physical anomaly that has also probably been the cause of frequent nasal congestion. Whenever I get a cold or allergies, my nasal mucosa tries to swell and has nowhere to go because those things are HUGE!

I think its funny, though, that I have been to doctors all my life and they have never, ever looked up my nose. The next time you are at your doctor just ask them to and maybe you will get a little nasaly surprise.

We started fall classes today.

This fall we have physiology, physical diagnosis, and clinical medicine. Clinical medicine will actually be six different sections that we have to pass individually (so they are a little like different classes). I am stoked and feel really excited, but I also don't feel ready. Its weird that you can work toward something for as many as five years and then feel totally unprepared when it happens!

Last weekend was a blast. I can't remember when I've had so much fun... or maybe it just seemed so fun because we weren't studying. I think this weekend my brother's family will be here to help my mom move into her new house. I am really excited to see them and hopefully things won't have picked up too much yet. That seeems to be all the news on this side... love you all and take care!

P.S., At this point the Taliban has killed two of the hostages and freed two of them. Please keep praying for them.

Oklahoma: Working Toward Not Being As Boring.

Maybe everyone already knows this. But I just found out today that part of the MAPS project was a really nice boathouse for rowing and crew along the Oklahoma river. Now finished and located just south of Bricktown on Lincoln, the Chesapeake Boathouse is a boat lover's hotspot and offers rowing lessons, clubs, rentals, etc along 7 miles of the scenic Oklahoma river. Check it out at ChesapeakeBoathouse.org. You can rent a two person kayak for $7.50 per person per hour, or a one person kayak for $10 an hour. You can also join the boathouse for an annual membership fee and dragonboat or kayak anytime.

I am stoked! I think I'll go this weekend.

Seven More Days, Happiness and Dreams

Our anatomy class is over in seven days. Sigh of relief...

However, yesterday I realized that even with all the school stuff going on, life seems to be the happiest its been for a long time. I am so thankful for that!! I don't think it would be possible to be in a better place in life or happier. I am so grateful for the friends and family who are such amazing people. I am so thankful to be in school learning so many cool things. I am so thankful to be living in great apartments that are really peaceful and have a beautiful lake that can be run around at sunset every evening. I am really thankful to have a brand new, awesome little red fish named Ivanhoe. (He's really cute, anyone who wants is invited to come see him!!!) I am just so grateful for life. Even though I know seasons of happiness and sadness come and go, I'm so glad to be in such a peaceful place for the time being.

I also went out after our last test and bought some plants to put out on my balcony. It had been looking pretty bare. As I was buying them, I suddenly remembered something that happened almost ten years ago on an orchestra trip to London.

I had never been out of the country, and the first morning we arrived, they took us on a bus tour of the city. We were driving around, seeing all these amazing things you only see in pictures- Big Ben, the Tower of London, Buckingham Palace... and as we took in all the sights, I remember driving by a bunch of English flats. They all had balconies filled with bright green plants. And I hoped to myself that someday, I would have an apartment of my own with a refreshing little balcony just like that.

So, when I brought these gorgeous new plants home a few nights ago, I made a dream that was almost ten years old come true. Its such a little thing- but it was so weird how I realized that all of us, as life changes, sometimes get to see our dreams come true. Its beautiful!! But its hard to believe how long they can take. I think if someone would have told me then that I wouldn't have that balcony for ten years, I would have been really sad or wouldn't have cared if it had happened at all, ever. But now I see that it was worth the wait. (Especially since I forgot I was waiting.)

I'm really hoping that being a PA will be much the same. A dream that seems to take forever but is worth coming true...