The last month or so has been pretty intense. There's a lot that could be written- but, our semester ended, and we now have only couple classes at a time until June 13th, when we will get out of school and be free for 17 days!! I am going to take the entire break and visit my sister in Oregon. Upon the schedule of things to do are: camp in the giant redwood forest in northern California, wild river kayak, drive 101 up into Washington, go to Canada, and Crater Lake, and much more. I am ecstatic!
And, Summer had her baby. When they wheeled her out of the operating room, and right next to us, the nurse held him up through the nursery window. When she saw him, dangling there all red-faced and tiny, tears just began streaming down her face. It was such a priceless moment. I felt blessed to have been able to witness unadulterated love pouring out of my best friend's heart.
Driving home from the hospital, tears also started streaming down my face. I've been thinking so much on Cyd since I came home from Fort Worth, having heard more about everything that happened to her. Such a sadness comes to me sometimes when I think of her. But then, when I picture Summer and tiny Colton, all there is- is joy. The sorrow and joy meet in the middle and mingle, neither one willing to leave. And its the paradox of life how they coexist there without ruining one another.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Some Things Remain Mysteries
There are some mysteries I have been thinking a heck of a lot about recently. Some are serious, some are not so serious, and apart from #1, they are in no particular order; but here are my Top Ten Unsolved Mysteries.
10.) If they have fireflies in Nepal.
9.) How on earth I am going to convince the director of my program to let me go to Africa for a rotation.
8.) How God can remember everything in the world. How he knows things like the vectors of every single leaf blowing across the lawn or their weight in grams; or the number of blades of grass they touch along the way.
7.) Why there can't be a grocery store closer to Bricktown.
6.) Why something as horrible and atrocious as the Holocaust doesn't make the beauty of Itzak Perlman playing the theme from Schindler's List any less beautiful.
5.) How an atomic bomb works. I guess this could be googled. But I like to just wonder about it sometimes.
4.) One day, at seventeen years of age, I walked outside to feed my rabbit after being gone for the weekend, and when I got to her cage, everything was locked up as usual. But, there was a mysterious ball of matted fur in front of her feeder, and she was gone. There were no organs, bones, flesh, nothing... just fur. And a locked cage.
3.) As it says in Proverbs, "The way of a man with a maiden."
2.) How something as dark red as blood can make someone white as snow.
1.) What and why on earth this really happened to Cydney.
Some of these, for sure, are going to remain unsolved. And I suppose that's life.
10.) If they have fireflies in Nepal.
9.) How on earth I am going to convince the director of my program to let me go to Africa for a rotation.
8.) How God can remember everything in the world. How he knows things like the vectors of every single leaf blowing across the lawn or their weight in grams; or the number of blades of grass they touch along the way.
7.) Why there can't be a grocery store closer to Bricktown.
6.) Why something as horrible and atrocious as the Holocaust doesn't make the beauty of Itzak Perlman playing the theme from Schindler's List any less beautiful.
5.) How an atomic bomb works. I guess this could be googled. But I like to just wonder about it sometimes.
4.) One day, at seventeen years of age, I walked outside to feed my rabbit after being gone for the weekend, and when I got to her cage, everything was locked up as usual. But, there was a mysterious ball of matted fur in front of her feeder, and she was gone. There were no organs, bones, flesh, nothing... just fur. And a locked cage.
3.) As it says in Proverbs, "The way of a man with a maiden."
2.) How something as dark red as blood can make someone white as snow.
1.) What and why on earth this really happened to Cydney.
Some of these, for sure, are going to remain unsolved. And I suppose that's life.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Living the Dream
Sometimes, I realize how blessed I am. I am living the dream I had for my life, and overall... is that uncommon? Common? I don't know. I just feel blessed.
"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him..."
"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him..."
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Utter Insanity and the Skills Lab
The last week or so was complete and utter insanity. Pathophys test, epidemiology statistics test, radiology test, test, test test! But its all over now. Until our pharmacy test Monday.
So today our PA group took its first turn going to the Skills Lab. The Skills Lab is a simulation that the med school does for us to practice on patients without hurting anyone. The patients are paid actors who pretend to be sick! If you think that is awesome, as I did, even more awesome is the knowledge that a tiny little camera in the corner of the patient room is filming your every move, and your professors are watching you... and grading you. Yeah, it was awesome. I think only six out of the nine people in our group hyperventilated and threw up before going in.
No, not really. One girl cried and that was it. Believe it or not, there's something reeeaaally distracting about knowing that every word coming out of your mouth is being videotaped; not to mention that its hard enough to remember everything you are supposed to ask and do when there is no pressure on you to get it right. When you can just walk out of the room, get the PA, and have them figure it out. Yeah... here is the list of what we are supposed to remember and do in- get this- FIFTEEN MINUTES. (Well, we do pertinent review of systems and physical exam, not complete; but its still a LOT!)
Now I know why my PCP is always running late.
So today our PA group took its first turn going to the Skills Lab. The Skills Lab is a simulation that the med school does for us to practice on patients without hurting anyone. The patients are paid actors who pretend to be sick! If you think that is awesome, as I did, even more awesome is the knowledge that a tiny little camera in the corner of the patient room is filming your every move, and your professors are watching you... and grading you. Yeah, it was awesome. I think only six out of the nine people in our group hyperventilated and threw up before going in.
No, not really. One girl cried and that was it. Believe it or not, there's something reeeaaally distracting about knowing that every word coming out of your mouth is being videotaped; not to mention that its hard enough to remember everything you are supposed to ask and do when there is no pressure on you to get it right. When you can just walk out of the room, get the PA, and have them figure it out. Yeah... here is the list of what we are supposed to remember and do in- get this- FIFTEEN MINUTES. (Well, we do pertinent review of systems and physical exam, not complete; but its still a LOT!)
Now I know why my PCP is always running late.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Ridiculous Belief and a Shining Heart
Many people are wondering why Cyd ever went to Afghanistan in the first place. They cannot understand why a person would do something they consider so dangerous, if not completely reckless. And now, because of her death, they judge it a shame that she ever went.
But I know that Cyd would much rather have spent her life, even if she'd known she were going to die, in a place like Afghanistan than somewhere easy and comfortable, only for the sake of its beauty. At times her life was extremely physically uncomfortable; but in return, she had the complete and indescribable peace of giving her life up for someone besides herself.
Its sad to me how much people can misjudge the strength and depth of a person such as herself. The service she gave to the Afghan people was, in her mind, more beautiful and valuable than any pain-free life that she could have enjoyed here in the States. Cyd experienced the 'better-ness' of giving herself up for others, rather than the emptiness that comes when we do things only for ourselves. She found this truth in the midst of obedience to Christ. There is a sweetness there that cannot be found anywhere else in the world, that none of the people who condemn her going can ever understand. Many of them are trying to find peace in other things, and failing. What a shame, that they will probably never know they might have found it in a place like Kandahar.
I have thought so much on all this, but the one thought that occurs to me every single day is this: Cyd's beautiful heart shines out to me from her death, and makes me want to be a better person. Her death spurs me on to continue learning to die to my selfish self, and give my life away to others, serving them in justice and mercy.
Lofty ideals are only lofty when we don't pull them down to earth and put them into practice. I know that I will be a better person because of her; I already am. May her life and sacrifice also inspire you to understand the better-ness, and the ridiculousness, of giving yourself away.
But I know that Cyd would much rather have spent her life, even if she'd known she were going to die, in a place like Afghanistan than somewhere easy and comfortable, only for the sake of its beauty. At times her life was extremely physically uncomfortable; but in return, she had the complete and indescribable peace of giving her life up for someone besides herself.
Its sad to me how much people can misjudge the strength and depth of a person such as herself. The service she gave to the Afghan people was, in her mind, more beautiful and valuable than any pain-free life that she could have enjoyed here in the States. Cyd experienced the 'better-ness' of giving herself up for others, rather than the emptiness that comes when we do things only for ourselves. She found this truth in the midst of obedience to Christ. There is a sweetness there that cannot be found anywhere else in the world, that none of the people who condemn her going can ever understand. Many of them are trying to find peace in other things, and failing. What a shame, that they will probably never know they might have found it in a place like Kandahar.
I have thought so much on all this, but the one thought that occurs to me every single day is this: Cyd's beautiful heart shines out to me from her death, and makes me want to be a better person. Her death spurs me on to continue learning to die to my selfish self, and give my life away to others, serving them in justice and mercy.
Lofty ideals are only lofty when we don't pull them down to earth and put them into practice. I know that I will be a better person because of her; I already am. May her life and sacrifice also inspire you to understand the better-ness, and the ridiculousness, of giving yourself away.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Aragorn Is My Middle Name
So, some of us went camping in the Wichita mountains this weekend. Some... 47 of us. It was so fun!! Here is a quick synopsis:
-We camped by a lake, across from a mountain and watched the sun and moon set and rise over it. One word: gorgeous.
-We cooked lots of food, most of it on a gigantic six foot grill that looked really impressive on fire, covered in a hundred pieces of chicken that were being simultaneously basted and turned by nine different people.
-We ran across Mount Elk like we were in the Lord of the Rings. "Come Gimli... we're gaining on them!" This was the most exhilarating run I've done.
-We had two awesome services, for Good Friday and Easter. 30 international students heard about their meaning for the first time! Pretty amazing.
-As we hiked, I jumped across two monoliths and didn't quite reach my friend's hand that was stretched out to help me across. As I was falling backward about to drop down into the crevice, he reached further and grabbed my hand. Here's to being alive, and not paralyzed!
-It was so freezing cold and windy the second night that EB got up while it was still dark and huddled in a port-a-potty until morning.
-We had everything from Nepali folk songs and Korean pop to "Ice, Ice, Baby" performed around the campfire.
To sum it up, I'd say a great time was had by all.
-We camped by a lake, across from a mountain and watched the sun and moon set and rise over it. One word: gorgeous.
-We cooked lots of food, most of it on a gigantic six foot grill that looked really impressive on fire, covered in a hundred pieces of chicken that were being simultaneously basted and turned by nine different people.
-We ran across Mount Elk like we were in the Lord of the Rings. "Come Gimli... we're gaining on them!" This was the most exhilarating run I've done.
-We had two awesome services, for Good Friday and Easter. 30 international students heard about their meaning for the first time! Pretty amazing.
-As we hiked, I jumped across two monoliths and didn't quite reach my friend's hand that was stretched out to help me across. As I was falling backward about to drop down into the crevice, he reached further and grabbed my hand. Here's to being alive, and not paralyzed!
-It was so freezing cold and windy the second night that EB got up while it was still dark and huddled in a port-a-potty until morning.
-We had everything from Nepali folk songs and Korean pop to "Ice, Ice, Baby" performed around the campfire.
To sum it up, I'd say a great time was had by all.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Cyd, Part II
One of the first things that came to my mind the day I learned Cyd was no longer alive, was the realization that not only had Cyd been killed... but someone had actually murdered her. She hadn't just been hit by a car, or gone down in a plane; another human being had chosen, at some moment in time, to commit a cold-blooded act of violence. Against her.
I have tried to imagine that Cyd died painlessly. I hope in my heart that she did. But I have imagined it, for sure. Partly because, recently in our pathophysiology class, we saw pictures of people who had received gunshot wounds to the head, and other trauma. Its very disturbing to see the face of someone who has been shot. Partly, because they are lifeless, helpless. But also because killing, as opposed to other ways of dying, forces the killed to bear the ultimate expression of hatred.
I thought about these people who took my friend's life. I tried to imagine who they were; what they looked like, what they thought of, the moment they were murdering a helpless and defenseless woman. And there was one thought that came to the surface:
I want to quit school. I want to go to Afghanistan. I want to track these people down... I want to find them, and I want to tell them something, in case she didn't get the chance:
Cyd loved them. They were the reason she went to Afghanistan- hopeless people, just like them. That her entire purpose in going there was to bring love, and light, and goodness to a dark place. That they could kill Cyd, but they could never kill what she stood for. That their hate and murder was forgiven, and that love can never be put to death.
That they can change. I want to believe that her death made a difference to them, just as her life made a difference to us. That there is a way to end this endless hatred living in their hearts. As Khaled Hosseini said in The Kite Runner, that "there is a way to be good again."
Ridiculous hope, you might say. But then, its ridiculous to move there in the first place.
I have tried to imagine that Cyd died painlessly. I hope in my heart that she did. But I have imagined it, for sure. Partly because, recently in our pathophysiology class, we saw pictures of people who had received gunshot wounds to the head, and other trauma. Its very disturbing to see the face of someone who has been shot. Partly, because they are lifeless, helpless. But also because killing, as opposed to other ways of dying, forces the killed to bear the ultimate expression of hatred.
I thought about these people who took my friend's life. I tried to imagine who they were; what they looked like, what they thought of, the moment they were murdering a helpless and defenseless woman. And there was one thought that came to the surface:
I want to quit school. I want to go to Afghanistan. I want to track these people down... I want to find them, and I want to tell them something, in case she didn't get the chance:
Cyd loved them. They were the reason she went to Afghanistan- hopeless people, just like them. That her entire purpose in going there was to bring love, and light, and goodness to a dark place. That they could kill Cyd, but they could never kill what she stood for. That their hate and murder was forgiven, and that love can never be put to death.
That they can change. I want to believe that her death made a difference to them, just as her life made a difference to us. That there is a way to end this endless hatred living in their hearts. As Khaled Hosseini said in The Kite Runner, that "there is a way to be good again."
Ridiculous hope, you might say. But then, its ridiculous to move there in the first place.
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Cyd
Two weeks ago, at my housechurch, we prayed that we would get some word on Cyd and her driver. Then last Tuesday, at 11:13 a.m., Ross called to let me know that sometime over the weekend, Cyd and Hadi had both been killed.
As he was saying the sentence, oh, how I wanted the last word to be different. But he was saying it too slowly and seriously for the word to have been, "freed," or "rescued,"- I knew it from the beginning. And entered a state of shock that lasted just about this whole last week. Its been a weird decision, because normally I wouldn't talk about this stuff with very many people, but I decided that I am going to post a lot about her death on here. Because I have been learning so much and its so precious to me, that I want to share who she was and what all of this has meant to me. So this will just be the first of many thoughts on this.
It was such a long day. Questions kept filling my mind.. how did Cyd die? When did she die? How do they- whoever they are- know that she is dead? Where is her body? What was the last thing she ate, drank, saw, thought, prayed?
Romans was a complete comfort to me. Particularly, chapter 6- people only die once, and then death no longer has power over them. Cyd was suffering in the month before she passed away, and evil people had control of her. But they do not any longer. I wish so much though, that I could have spoken to, or communicated with her just one last time.
Just before Ross called, I'd been praying for her. My friend EB and I are memorizing the book of Colossians. And a particularly apt verse for her had been, "May you be made strong with all the strength that comes from his glorious power, and may you be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully giving thanks to the Father."
And I remembered how many times in Afghanistan, when things were just way too hard, God would bring something really good into the day, and bless you with it, and it would alleviate a lot of the pain. So, instead of my normal prayer- that she would be freed, or have a chance to escape and the courage to take it, I prayed that God would give Cyd a really good gift. Something really, really really good. And I was thinking along the lines of getting to play with a little child or getting something delicious to eat...
But instead he gave her a crown of life.
As he was saying the sentence, oh, how I wanted the last word to be different. But he was saying it too slowly and seriously for the word to have been, "freed," or "rescued,"- I knew it from the beginning. And entered a state of shock that lasted just about this whole last week. Its been a weird decision, because normally I wouldn't talk about this stuff with very many people, but I decided that I am going to post a lot about her death on here. Because I have been learning so much and its so precious to me, that I want to share who she was and what all of this has meant to me. So this will just be the first of many thoughts on this.
It was such a long day. Questions kept filling my mind.. how did Cyd die? When did she die? How do they- whoever they are- know that she is dead? Where is her body? What was the last thing she ate, drank, saw, thought, prayed?
Romans was a complete comfort to me. Particularly, chapter 6- people only die once, and then death no longer has power over them. Cyd was suffering in the month before she passed away, and evil people had control of her. But they do not any longer. I wish so much though, that I could have spoken to, or communicated with her just one last time.
Just before Ross called, I'd been praying for her. My friend EB and I are memorizing the book of Colossians. And a particularly apt verse for her had been, "May you be made strong with all the strength that comes from his glorious power, and may you be prepared to endure everything with patience, while joyfully giving thanks to the Father."
And I remembered how many times in Afghanistan, when things were just way too hard, God would bring something really good into the day, and bless you with it, and it would alleviate a lot of the pain. So, instead of my normal prayer- that she would be freed, or have a chance to escape and the courage to take it, I prayed that God would give Cyd a really good gift. Something really, really really good. And I was thinking along the lines of getting to play with a little child or getting something delicious to eat...
But instead he gave her a crown of life.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Fourteen Days and Five Tests
Here is another boring post about school. But, since its the only thing going on, its all there is for me to write about. We have fourteen school days until SPRING BREAK! And, unfortunately, five big tests in that time period. So, if you wonder what I am doing until March 14th, I will answer your question with a question. What are you doing over the break?
Other random news:
I saw my first patient in the Green Clinic last Tuesday. Her name was Lala and, she wasn't sick. So who knows what significance that may hold for the future.
Louie, Ashlie's cat who is my cat's brother, stayed with me for nine days while she went to Nicaragua. Louie was one smart little cookie... he taught Sahar all kinds of bad things. Where he learned them, I don't know. The street? Some kind of club for bad cats? Surely not the litter. Sahar didn't know any of it until he showed up. But, Ashlie came back yesterday and then he went home. And hopefully he is never coming back.
My aunt from New York came and stayed with my mom last week. I wish I'd had more time to spend with her, but still it was nice to see Aunt Julie for the time we were able to hang out. She is hilarious and told me all kinds of stories and family secrets. Now I am in the Conger Family Circle of Trust. But don't ask me about the secrets because only the people who keep the secrets stay in the circle. And I will never tell anyway, because family secrets are secrets for very good reasons.
Other random news:
I saw my first patient in the Green Clinic last Tuesday. Her name was Lala and, she wasn't sick. So who knows what significance that may hold for the future.
Louie, Ashlie's cat who is my cat's brother, stayed with me for nine days while she went to Nicaragua. Louie was one smart little cookie... he taught Sahar all kinds of bad things. Where he learned them, I don't know. The street? Some kind of club for bad cats? Surely not the litter. Sahar didn't know any of it until he showed up. But, Ashlie came back yesterday and then he went home. And hopefully he is never coming back.
My aunt from New York came and stayed with my mom last week. I wish I'd had more time to spend with her, but still it was nice to see Aunt Julie for the time we were able to hang out. She is hilarious and told me all kinds of stories and family secrets. Now I am in the Conger Family Circle of Trust. But don't ask me about the secrets because only the people who keep the secrets stay in the circle. And I will never tell anyway, because family secrets are secrets for very good reasons.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Lunar Eclipse
A total lunar eclipse is projected to be visible with the naked eye in Oklahoma from around 9 to 9:50 tonight.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
I Have Finally Done It.
The time stamp has been changed from Kabul to Central Time, a mere 15 months after returning to this time zone. Procrastinators, we are one.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Its Down to 7!
Yay! Okay, we technically have eight months until rotations left; but really its only about seven since we have three and a half weeks of vacation between now and then.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Si, Se Puede!
My biggest weakness, the one that undeniably distracts me the most from studying, was somewhat startlingly confirmed last night. I started thinking it last fall and then it was made obvious for sure last night at the Health Science Center library..
Most people that go to OU go to the stadium in Norman to see our team win, and that's where they jump up and down and scream. But apparently the library is where I go to jump up and down and scream for my team. When I accidentally screamed in the library last night reading about my favorite candidate's weekend victories I knew that there was something more powerful than a mere liking for politics going on.
Barack Obama. No one thought he had much of a chance but there is something to this man. He regularly draws crowds of 10,000 to 20,000 in every state from Nebraska to Virginia to California. He swept the primaries and caucuses this weekend... here's to hoping he sweeps the remainder of the February contests and March 4th!! If you would like insider news on what's going on in his campaign, I love Sam Graham-Felsen's blog.
Most people that go to OU go to the stadium in Norman to see our team win, and that's where they jump up and down and scream. But apparently the library is where I go to jump up and down and scream for my team. When I accidentally screamed in the library last night reading about my favorite candidate's weekend victories I knew that there was something more powerful than a mere liking for politics going on.
Barack Obama. No one thought he had much of a chance but there is something to this man. He regularly draws crowds of 10,000 to 20,000 in every state from Nebraska to Virginia to California. He swept the primaries and caucuses this weekend... here's to hoping he sweeps the remainder of the February contests and March 4th!! If you would like insider news on what's going on in his campaign, I love Sam Graham-Felsen's blog.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Redemption: Actual People vs. Powerpoints
Well, after a pretty bad two weeks ago, this week was much better. I am feeling a thousand times better- finally got over that infection so now I have a lot of energy again. And it turns out that I didn't fail the pharmacy test; and I like school again. :)
One of the best things that has happened since school began last June happened last Thursday when I got to see my first patient. As part of our Patient Management Skills class, every six weeks we go out to either OU Children's oncology, Jim Thorpe rehab or the Veteran's Hospital to practice the complete history and physical on a patient. No one else at school was as excited as I was but I couldn't wait and it turned out that it really was a wonderful experience. I can't believe the huge difference there is between class and a clinical experience like that. It was just so fun. Most of the other students have also had a chance to pratice diagnosing and prescribing in the Green Clinic with the PA's in the Family Medicine Center but I won't get to do that for two weeks. Everyone that has been in Green Clinic has said that it is the best part of PA school. They are seeing all kinds of interesting things... so I can't wait to go either.
This too shall pass... it passed. Although we still have absolutely no word on Cyd, so keep her lifted up. Love you all!
One of the best things that has happened since school began last June happened last Thursday when I got to see my first patient. As part of our Patient Management Skills class, every six weeks we go out to either OU Children's oncology, Jim Thorpe rehab or the Veteran's Hospital to practice the complete history and physical on a patient. No one else at school was as excited as I was but I couldn't wait and it turned out that it really was a wonderful experience. I can't believe the huge difference there is between class and a clinical experience like that. It was just so fun. Most of the other students have also had a chance to pratice diagnosing and prescribing in the Green Clinic with the PA's in the Family Medicine Center but I won't get to do that for two weeks. Everyone that has been in Green Clinic has said that it is the best part of PA school. They are seeing all kinds of interesting things... so I can't wait to go either.
This too shall pass... it passed. Although we still have absolutely no word on Cyd, so keep her lifted up. Love you all!
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Randomly Compiled Thoughts
1.) Still no word on Cyd... after a short freak out on Thursday night, I realized Cyd is probably fine and just locked in a room somewhere; and promptly failed my pharmacy test the next morning.
2.) This really was a weird two weeks. Two Thursdays ago, I found out I had MRSA, which means I've felt like crap ever since. Then on Friday the medicine I was taking started making me paranoid, then in real life my friend was kidnapped Saturday morning. Tuesday I went to a small group and really loved it, because they prayed for the war in Kenya and Cyd for two hours. Then after I started sending Cyd emails, so she would have them when she got home, my gmail account was locked; and then Friday it was unlocked and I failed the pharm test. How do you explain a week like that to the completely normal-looking blonde sorority girl sitting next to you in class after she just described the last episode of Nip/Tuck? Oh, how was my week? Yeah, I'll just start a conversation about the Taliban. That would be completely normal right now.
3.) Yesterday I came to a really freeing conclusion. I HATE SCHOOL. I don't have to wonder why I sometimes break out in fits of anger. I hate school and its that unadulterated despising making its way to the surface.
4.) I still really love medicine. How this works out with hating school I don't know. Most of it has to do with the last three sentences of #2 and realizing that I am there for such different reasons than many of my classmates that I can't even begin to explain it to them.
5.) I am tired of only being able to explain 2 minutes worth of emotion to 50 different people when there's an ocean inside. Holding it back ten times a day, seven days a week... I don't know how much longer this can go on. Breaking down multiple times a day doesn't seem like a very good option either. Oh, that the Lord would give me strength to do his will.
2.) This really was a weird two weeks. Two Thursdays ago, I found out I had MRSA, which means I've felt like crap ever since. Then on Friday the medicine I was taking started making me paranoid, then in real life my friend was kidnapped Saturday morning. Tuesday I went to a small group and really loved it, because they prayed for the war in Kenya and Cyd for two hours. Then after I started sending Cyd emails, so she would have them when she got home, my gmail account was locked; and then Friday it was unlocked and I failed the pharm test. How do you explain a week like that to the completely normal-looking blonde sorority girl sitting next to you in class after she just described the last episode of Nip/Tuck? Oh, how was my week? Yeah, I'll just start a conversation about the Taliban. That would be completely normal right now.
3.) Yesterday I came to a really freeing conclusion. I HATE SCHOOL. I don't have to wonder why I sometimes break out in fits of anger. I hate school and its that unadulterated despising making its way to the surface.
4.) I still really love medicine. How this works out with hating school I don't know. Most of it has to do with the last three sentences of #2 and realizing that I am there for such different reasons than many of my classmates that I can't even begin to explain it to them.
5.) I am tired of only being able to explain 2 minutes worth of emotion to 50 different people when there's an ocean inside. Holding it back ten times a day, seven days a week... I don't know how much longer this can go on. Breaking down multiple times a day doesn't seem like a very good option either. Oh, that the Lord would give me strength to do his will.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
For a Friend
Yesterday morning in Kandahar, one of my former team mates from Afghanistan was abducted as she was driven to work, along with her Afghan driver, Mohammad Hadi.
Please remember Cyd Mizell and Mr. Hadi, who has five children, in your prayers. The Taliban has not yet taken credit or made any demands. Hopefully, they will release her as they have every other woman they've ever abducted. Cyd is the first American to be kidnapped in Afghanistan since the 2001 invasion. Also remember their families and their almost-family, the Kandahar ARLDF team.
Please remember Cyd Mizell and Mr. Hadi, who has five children, in your prayers. The Taliban has not yet taken credit or made any demands. Hopefully, they will release her as they have every other woman they've ever abducted. Cyd is the first American to be kidnapped in Afghanistan since the 2001 invasion. Also remember their families and their almost-family, the Kandahar ARLDF team.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Address
Here is my new address. Don't track me down and stalk me. (Unless, you are single, tall, dark, and handsome with innocent motives.)
225 NE 1st Street
Apt 205
OKC, OK 73104
Phone number remains the same.
225 NE 1st Street
Apt 205
OKC, OK 73104
Phone number remains the same.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
A New Semester Begins
Wow... the break went by way too fast. But I don't think a Christmas break was ever more enjoyed by a human being before!!! It was really a blessing to be able to move so close to school for the next two semesters. This will definitely save a lot of time, gas, and frustration. I am so happy to be settled in.
We start out 2008 with Radiology, Pharmacotherapeutics and Pathophysiology. I'm only batting 1/3 right now since I don't even know what the last two classes are so its good that we have a whole semester to find out. We also have OBGYN, neurology and nephrology (kidney). I am already afraid. BUT- have also been greatly encouraged to know that, no matter what else happens in the next 50 years... we only have ten months of CLASS left. If I can make it through the next ten months still enrolled, then I will survive to hopefully have a little more free time during rotations.
I thought a lot over the break how there are so many things that I miss getting to do during school. See family and friends, read for fun, volunteer, spend time with little people, enjoy nature on walks with friends, etc... There is a really necessary relational element built into human nature that is impossible to be content without. But this morning at church I really just understood that I only have to forego many of those things until next October, when we go out on rotations. That is really not a long time at all, when you consider the span of an entire life. So I am trying to stem the tide of depression that comes when I think about another 10 months of solitary confinement with books, lectures, forced self-discipline and staring at a computer screen. It is not going to last forever. And, we get a spring break and a two week vacation in June. Nothing to complain about when a lot of people worked in the Gulag archipelago for decades.
Such a cheery note to end on. Here's to enjoying the New Year!
We start out 2008 with Radiology, Pharmacotherapeutics and Pathophysiology. I'm only batting 1/3 right now since I don't even know what the last two classes are so its good that we have a whole semester to find out. We also have OBGYN, neurology and nephrology (kidney). I am already afraid. BUT- have also been greatly encouraged to know that, no matter what else happens in the next 50 years... we only have ten months of CLASS left. If I can make it through the next ten months still enrolled, then I will survive to hopefully have a little more free time during rotations.
I thought a lot over the break how there are so many things that I miss getting to do during school. See family and friends, read for fun, volunteer, spend time with little people, enjoy nature on walks with friends, etc... There is a really necessary relational element built into human nature that is impossible to be content without. But this morning at church I really just understood that I only have to forego many of those things until next October, when we go out on rotations. That is really not a long time at all, when you consider the span of an entire life. So I am trying to stem the tide of depression that comes when I think about another 10 months of solitary confinement with books, lectures, forced self-discipline and staring at a computer screen. It is not going to last forever. And, we get a spring break and a two week vacation in June. Nothing to complain about when a lot of people worked in the Gulag archipelago for decades.
Such a cheery note to end on. Here's to enjoying the New Year!
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Home to a Whirlwind Move
I am coming home in just a few hours. This trip has been awesome!!! Soo much fun... just what the doctor ordered. REST. I am leaving early tomorrow morning.
When I get back to Oklahoma (which I am ecstatic to hear has warm weather!), I'll be dropped off, drive to my new apartments, sign the lease, and finish moving and packing. The movers will come Thursday afternoon and hopefully the move will be completely finished by Thursday night. I am moving to Deep Deuce in Bricktown, which is just 5 minutes away from school! Yayaaayyy!!
On a more somber note, I have a lot of studying to do because we have proficiency exams for physical diagnosis the first week of school. Be praying that the move will go smoothly and the semester will start out well. I will post pictures of the Utah trip on Facebook, for some reason my computer is no longer allowing me to post pictures to blogger. Not sure what the problem is, I think it has to do with the Mac. Anyway, I'm off through another short whirlwind of change. Hopefully things will settle down a LOT come Friday!
When I get back to Oklahoma (which I am ecstatic to hear has warm weather!), I'll be dropped off, drive to my new apartments, sign the lease, and finish moving and packing. The movers will come Thursday afternoon and hopefully the move will be completely finished by Thursday night. I am moving to Deep Deuce in Bricktown, which is just 5 minutes away from school! Yayaaayyy!!
On a more somber note, I have a lot of studying to do because we have proficiency exams for physical diagnosis the first week of school. Be praying that the move will go smoothly and the semester will start out well. I will post pictures of the Utah trip on Facebook, for some reason my computer is no longer allowing me to post pictures to blogger. Not sure what the problem is, I think it has to do with the Mac. Anyway, I'm off through another short whirlwind of change. Hopefully things will settle down a LOT come Friday!
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