Addison: The End

When Dr. Parkham told me they had given Addison an ommaya reservoir, I was in complete shock.

I stared at him with wide-eyed incredulity.

"No! They didn't!"

He looked at the ground ruefully and shook his head. "I know... believe me, you're not the only one who thought it was a little crazy."

How could they? How could anyone in their right mind drill a hole in the head of a little girl dying of cancer and pour chemotherapy in!?

Especially with what happened next. One of our newer doctors told me the story of how he was called to witness Addison's first intrathecal chemo administration so that he would know how to operate the ommaya afterward. He said that while the fluid flowed into the space around her brain, Addison turned blue and stopped breathing. Although she recovered shortly after, that doctor flatly refused to do the next "treatment."

Unfortunately, even the spinal fluid chemotherapy did not help; it was beyond human intervention. Sadly, Addison died from her tumor a few days later.

So heartbreaking.

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Here is my take, and probably most of the rest of the world's, on palliative care: when death is inevitable, the goal becomes COMFORT. If you do anything that does not make the patient more comfortable, you are really breaking the Golden Rule of medicine, which we all know is: Do no harm.

Doing no harm is usually taken to mean one of two things: curing disease, and/or relieving pain. Therefore causing more pain to extend the life of a suffering person is harm.

I think this is why Addison's story has always bothered me so much. Its been over a year but I really couldn't write anyone else's story out until I had written hers. I feel in her case, we gave in to a parent's wishes and violated the Hippocratic oath.

And its something I've had a hard time forgiving us for.